Mystery Solved

For weeks I have been wondering, "What is the deal?!" I've wondered, "When is Cassidy going to commit to liking me...?" We've played well together one moment only to have her stare at me with the look of terror the next. I've had her rolling with tickles only to have her stop without warning and slap at me like she was ready to fight. I've had her practically leap out of my arms to get back to Shari. I've had her greet me with a smile when I get home from work only to have her treat me like I have cooties by the time I get my coat off. Well I identified the problem on Saturday.

The problem is my wife. On Saturday, she had to run errands for most of the day, so I was left to care for the entire brood... by myself. As usual, Cassidy cried as she was handed over to me. As usual, she cried as Mommy went out the door. As usual, she was done crying by the time Shari had pulled out of the driveway. I didn't hear another cry for the rest of my alone time with her. She wasn't clingy, and she wasn't whiney. Actually, she was generally content. Occasionally, she would wrap her arms around my legs to let me know she wanted to be picked up... just like she does to Shari. When it was nap time, she went down without a single whimper. (It was the first time I didn't have to rock her by trapping her on her side while holding her!) As a matter of fact, I was even able to get her to go back to sleep when she was rudely awakened by Zachary (sometimes the boy has only one range of volume... loud and louder). When she woke up, she was even happy to see me! It went so well that even when Shari got home, she was not quick to dive out of my arms. When we sat on the couch four feet apart, Cassidy did not scamper over to where Shari was. It was amazing.

Of course, that was Saturday, and then there has been every day since then. I'm surprised I was able to share the last paragraph with you because it seems so long ago to me. Unlike the heavenly nap night-night experience of Saturday, last night's experience resulted in unsuccessful experimentation and tough love. "What did you do...?" you're wondering. Well, as she was crying, I decided to see what blowing in her mouth would do... since she's not an itty-bitty who would lose her breath as a result. That didn't go so well. While it did manage to shorten her cries, she seemed to get more hacked off... a little more quietly.

After a minute of that experiment, I decided to try putting her on the floor and then picking her up once she calmed down. She didn't stop crying until I picked her back up. When she started to cry again, I set her back down. When I picked her back up again, she was done with the crying, and she went right to sleep. (Of course, she ended up in our bed yet again after midnight.)

It's tough to gauge where adoption/orphanage trauma ends and terrible-twoedness begins. Since I knew she would immediately shut off the tears as soon as she came in contact with Shari, I was willing to gamble and assess that I was dealing with nothing more than a temper tantrum. She has those. Don't we all.

That's all for now.

Tough Patch

Over the last few days, we've found ourselves in a little bit of a downward trend. Cassidy is back to being a little more fearful and clingy as she was several weeks ago. She is also more extreme with her emotions. There is a lack of carryover peace from one activity to the next. By that I mean she can be fine if you're doing something that she likes, and you're screwed if you aren't. Last night, she loved me if I was walking her up and down the stairs (over and over and over again), feeding her, or putting lotion on her (did you know Asians are prone to dry skin?). If I wasn't doing those things, she really didn't want to have anything to do with me. I guess the good news is that she seemed a little more content in general after I did all of the stair walking than she was prior to that. I got to enjoy her most intense sleep-time crying ever. She finally quieted down when she decided to go #2 just before completely dozing off (not a good combo). Miraculously, she slept through the diaper change. I think I used up all of my mojo on that, though, because she ended up waking up around 3:30 and joining us in bed... again.

I am looking forward to the day that she no longer cries as she leaves Mommy's gravitational pull. I'm looking forward to her no longer crying herself to sleep in my arms. In the meantime, I try to marvel and wonder about her idiosyncracies. For example, when she cries in my arms, she tends to cover up her wide-open mouth with her arm. It's like she's screaming, but she doesn't want to be heard. It makes me wonder if this came from the orphanage experience and what that experience was exactly. A funnier behavior is when she wants me to read her a book (or three words off of one page), she kneels down to look and listen. After a sentence or two (or a word or two), she'll get up take the book from me, walk a couple steps, turn around, hand me the book, and repeat the process multiple times.

The excellent news of yesterday was that we finally received Cassidy's official citizenship document. She's bonafied American now.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I don't know what you are thankful for, but we are thankful to have our family together after three years of waiting! We are thankful that Cassidy is getting to experience her first Thanksgiving! We are thankful for progress!

Since I last wrote, lots of things have taken place! I have put Cassidy to bed six times. The first time she seemed to cry forever. She cried so much that I made a point to time how long she cried the second time... 24 minutes. Then she only cried for 10 minutes the next time. There was actually an attempt after that which I'm not counting because I didn't think she was ready for bed when the process was initiated, so I handed her off to her mother in order for her to enjoy the fruits of her insistence that she was ready. The next time I tried, which was last Saturday, she didn't cry at all. That sounds like we made it over the last hurdle but she was back to crying on Sunday night. She only cried for about three minutes that night. The great thing about those events was that she slept through the night in her own crib three of those times. (Those would be the only three times she made it through the night in her own crib.)

Shari was so desperate for a completely undisturbed night of sleep a few nights ago that she really wanted to test that connection. Well, I'd only put her to bed on a weeknight once before, and that seemed to pose a problem. There is something about me not being around during the day that works against her receptiveness to me. She cried and cried... but I am wise beyond my years... or just lucky. Against Shari's judgment, I had allowed her to continue to hold a little toy bottle while I rocked her. After so much crying, I decided to test a little tough love. I took the bottle from her... which really hacked her off. (I relearned that she has a higher gear above the routine, ordinary sob.) I looked her in the eyes and said, "Shhh." When she quieted momentarily, I handed her the toy. When she started to cry again, I took the bottle away again and said, "Ahhh..." I repeated, "Shhh." When she quieted again, I handed her the toy. She didn't cry again, and then she was asleep within two minutes. She's a very smart girl. (She gets that from Shari.)

So have we gotten over the final hurdle? Well, even if we had, I imagine that she'd reserve the right to climb back over the hurdle again, so we could enjoy some of the unpleasant stuff. From that standpoint, I guess the final hurdle will be the end of the regressing. Other than that, the hurdle will fall whenever she no longer acts as though she is settling for me. It's either that or perhaps when my holding her calms her as consistently as Shari's holding her. She's so fond of Mama that she stops sobbing if she so much as thinks she's being handed over to Shari. The act of handing her over takes her from red-faced wailing to silence and sighs of relief in no time at all. It's interesting to observe... and still moderately deflating.

But enough about me, you're here to read about Cassidy. She has endured a lot of medical junk lately. Just two days ago (or was it yesterday?), she survived three therapist visits. The most interesting things we learned is that she verbally grades out at a nine-month-old level (she's 22 months old now), and her motor skills are at a year-old level. Neither of which is insurmountable for such a smart girl. Last week, she got to experience two trips to Cardinal Glennon Children's Hospital to be evaluated by doctors who are a lot smarter than we are. We've been told that it's highly likely that the Chinese diagnosed her incorrectly but that it's probably still a vascular issue. In English, the good news in that no one is thinking cancer since it has been stable in size since birth. The bad news is that it probably won't go away without treatment. The doctors are in the process of setting up an imaging session at Barnes in order to determine just exactly what we're dealing with and exactly what the treatment needs to consist of.

What else? I guess the most interesting tidbit occurred on the 19th when I was left to take care of the kids. First of all, it's interesting whenever Shari leaves the house, because Cassidy seems to automatically default to me as the go-to person. If she's upset and crying, I'm suddenly in the position to calm her down immediately. The downside is that I get put back in my place the second Mama returns home. Anyway, on this particular night, most of us were sitting on the couch, and Cass was sitting on my left knee, facing away from me towards the television. Katie was sitting immediately to my right, practicing writing her name on a Magnadoodle. For the most part, Cass and I were watching "America's Funniest Home Videos." She was wide awake, totally focused on the show, and completely content as she sat on my knee and leaned forward into my left hand placed around her belly.

Katie asked me to look at what she'd written. I looked to my right, told her she needed to switch a couple letters, and looked back in the direction of Cassidy. In the span of roughly five-to-ten seconds, she had gone from wide-eyed awake to being asleep in my hand. She then slept on my chest for the next half hour. It was sweet! Then she woke up screaming. Not so sweet...

Don't be alarmed, though. We do not have a narcoleptic on our hands. The doctor assured us that it is highly likely that she is just now decompressing and coming down off the high-alert mode she's been on for a month now. She's simply that relaxed.

Enjoy your Thanksgiving. Appreciate your family! Even the ones you normally don't appreciate...

Blogging in the Real World

Well you've probably realized by now that it's been awhile since the last blog. (I apologize for spoiling you with daily updates early on.) It is just so hard to find the time to blog with real life happening. Who knew a job and parenting three additional kids could be so time consuming?! It would help if we had internet access at home, but that's still no guarantee that I would find the time. When you are the unfavored one in the international adoption equation thousands of miles from home, you have nothing but time no matter how demanding the child's needs are. I'll have you know that I'm going out of my way to update you with the latest and greatest.

First and foremost, Monday night represented the first night she willingly let me change her poopy diaper. She was so stunned that she was allowing herself to be changed by me (or that I was even attempting it) that she actually laid completely still. I have since changed her diaper a few more times, and she no longer chooses to be so compliant. She thinks it's absolutely hysterical to make a wiggle-worm game out of the ordeal. It doesn't help that Katie and Shari also find it funny when I'm doing the job.



We have been home for two weeks now, and lots of good things have happened. By the second full day of being home, she allowed me to pick her up without requiring the art of distraction. By November 8th, she actually came to me to pick her up. By November 9th, she actually left Shari's arms to come to me. (Of course, she decided she wanted to go right back after 15 seconds). On Monday, she was luke warm to me for some reason. On Tuesday, she was back to liking me during regular business hours. Wednesday was pretty good as well.


We have learned that I represent a roller coaster to her. She loves to be lifted high in the air and swung to and fro (all with OSHA-compliant safety harnesses in place of course). She loves to chase after her siblings while being held by a running daddy or bigger brother. She loves to be spun on the Sit-and-Spin - but only for two or three revolutions at a time. She loves to play in the basement, which is where Daddy always takes her when she is in an unsnappable crying fit. When she has realized she is going downstairs, she has quieted down immediately each time. (Now that I have put this in writing, it will no longer work.)

What else have we found out? Well, she seems to like American food. We had been content to continue giving her a standard formula bottle, but our pediatrician switched us over to Pediasure in a sippy cup immediately. He also encouraged us to delve into real food as much as possible. So far, we've learned that she loves chicken (both in regular and nugget form), beef, vegetables... pizza...

We've also learned that she's pretty protective of her turf. She's relatively fierce. Her angry face rivals my own. When she's mad about something, there is no wondering about it. She is quick to hit, kick, and bite. If someone else tries to move in on Mommy, she is quick to try to wedge herself between them. She can go from laughter to anger and back again in 0.5 seconds (I've clocked her.). She doesn't like time outs. She likes to make messes with green beans. My favorite discovery - which we made relatively early on - is her laugh. Her laugh is every bit as wonderful as the other kids'. I probably tickle her too much just because I enjoy the laugh. (Then the kids try to tickle her right after me and hack her off...)



Shari and I are convinced that she likes her brothers and sister. She is definitely fond of Jake. He is just the right age and size. He is big enough to confidently and securely hoist her around all over the house but small enough that he's not as physically intimidating as his very manly father. She runs hot and cold with the other two, though - mostly because they are overexuberant with their attention towards her. They say they are playing with her, but the casual observer easily surmises that "playing" equals "picking at." If they aren't "tickling" her, they are pushing her from behind as she walks in an effort to make her run. If they aren't pushing her from behind, they are moving in front of her to block her path. If they aren't trying to "play" with her, they are snatching one of their personal toys out of her hand - which goes over ever so well.

Of course, we're not in the clear on everything yet. Sleep time is still a challenge. Shari rocks her to sleep and puts her in her crib around 9:00 each night. She usually lasts two-to-three hours in her crib before she wakes up crying. One of us then gets her and brings her to our bed where she normally has to fall asleep laying on Shari. She is then repositioned on the bed between us. If she wakes up in the night, she makes sure she as close to Shari as possible (and as far from me). We are not at a place in our relationship where I can console her. That privilege is given exclusively to Mommy. When we get to place where my holding her calms her, I will know I have arrived.

Other than that, we have noticed that the girl does not cry. She can fall face-first on a hard toy, and she only whimpers and then quiets down completely. She may rub the affected area, but she doesn't make a peep otherwise. She kind of blankly stares off for awhile. It's strange... kind of like the shrieking at night in the absence of Mommy.

That's it for now.

Deja Vu

Well we are back to where it all began – Hong Kong. We are staying at the Airport hotel, and it’s… well, it’s good we’re only staying here one night. It’s the most expensive hotel of the four we’ve patronized, and it’s easily the worst. My opinion pretty much begins and ends with the cost of the place. Not only is it the most expensive, but the internet access even costs… AND the buffet is NOT included! The ultimate insult is they charge $57 USD an hour for a massage… which means I didn’t get a massage this entire trip. Who comes to China and doesn’t get a massage? I knew I should have done it up in Changsha where the price was $10.37 USD for an hour. Next time, perhaps.

So we took a two-hour train ride from Guangzhou down to Hong Kong. The excitement came when the Customs official at the Hong Kong entry questioned whether Shari’s passport really belonged to her. He held up the passport and asked, “You?” I guess there was also excitement when I was singled out to have my temperature taken… because I was wearing a leather coat in the warmth of the day.

It was my first time on a bonafied train. It was kind of like a low-flying (like ground level) plane… only bumpier, slower, with bigger windows, and with nastier lavatories. Shari said I wouldn’t get any reading done, but she was wrong. From the train station, we took a taxi to the airport. I video taped almost the entire ride. I hope to make people car sick from watching the footage.

Shinko helped us get our rooms (after lugging around a good chunk of our luggage) and helped us locate the nearest fast-food establishments in the airport. Then we bid her a fond farewell. We consider ourselves privileged to be her first official adoption process, and we tried to convey to her how much we appreciated her. Most of my appreciation came from the fact that she did an excellent job of tolerating my unrivaled sense of humor and dazzling quick wit. She dished it back me quite a few times, which I always enjoy… especially from a self-labeled “quiet” person.

So tomorrow we eat some breakfast, take a five-minute stroll to the airport departure terminal, and enjoy the rest of the process. Shari and I are really looking forward to the 13-hour flight… because we are finding that Cassidy doesn’t really have an inside voice. Yes, Cassidy is very talkative in her simple gibberish… which is not even quasi-Mandarin at its core. I’m not exactly sure when the institutes start teaching Mandarin, but the process is apparently nowhere close to being complete by 21 months of age in the Yongzhou area. I have no doubt that she can understand quite a bit, but we’ve tried to get a translation for her cries, and they amount to noise.

Cassidy hasn’t been as adventurous today as she was, but she’s definitely being more vocal. When Shari has to leave her side, Cassidy is preferring to freak out in my arms rather than freak out alone on the floor or in her crib. I ask her if she wants me to pick her up, and she lunges at me… and then continues to scream. She is absolutely panicked in those situations. It’s become a running gag with me. What else? She tried to club me with a water bottle three times after I kept her from swallowing a staple she had found on the floor of the hotel room (another thumbs up for the hotel here). She’s a real spitfire…

Cassidy and Mama have had to go a few rounds today. We’re finding that Cassidy is what one might call a “strong-willed child,” and she seems to really enjoy pushing things to the limit. Right now, she is refusing to go to sleep, and Mama is refusing to enable her play time. I will enjoy the process of teaching her who the boss and who the boss isn’t. I will enjoy the process of her becoming a Daddy’s girl even more… but establishing the hierarchy in the house is very close behind that on my enjoyment scale.

Oh well. This should be it from the foreign soil. Perhaps I’ll continue this blog just because there are definitely a few more chapters in this adoption story. We’ll see.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention that I gave Shari a ticket to the gun show...

Goofball out!

The Whistle-and-Bell-Free Update

Today we had a very busy day... once we finally got out of bed. Once again, Cassidy was up crying in the night at 2:00 a.m. The saving grace is that she eventually fell back to sleep and stayed that way until around 7:00. We then went down for the breakfast buffet, and we were off to do some last-minute shopping. We had promised one guy that we would come by his shop. We found out that he is a Believer. He was very friendly and very chatty. We then continued on but were stopped by a young man who wanted to practice his English. I was more than happy to oblige the guy because this is what I'd been expecting and hoping for since Day One. He told us his name is James (after Lebron James) and that he is a huge fan of all things American... except Britney Spears. In particular, he is a big fan of Brad Pitt and Will Smith movies, and he loves rap. He wants to play basketball in the United States, but he only plays occasionally at the present time.

After that we went on to another shop that had actually done our laundry recently. (Most of the shops that sell souvenirs do laundry also.) We had a nice chat with Dong (not kidding) as he schooled us on teas. He then proceeded to try to sell us on just about everything else in the store... everything from suitcases to tee-shirts to original paintings to diapers. Fortunately for me, I ran out of money.

We then rushed back to the hotel, so we could feed Cassidy before we had to head to the U.S. Consulate for our last official function. The visa ceremony proved to be the most underwhelming deal - quite possibly in my entire life. After a nice greeting, the representative had us stand up, raise our right hands, and swear that all of the information we had provided was true to the bes of our knowledge. We then were handed the very critical brown envelope meant for Customs and Immigration and sent on our merry way. It took us quite a while to find a taxi that was willing to take us to the hotel because most taxi drivers were returning their vehicles at that time of day.

Once we got back to the hotel, we loaded up what we needed and prepared to head back out one last time to do the very last of the last-minute shopping. The plan was to take a taxi instead of walk to Shiamin Island, get the last items, then proceed to a restaurant Shinko had recommended, and then take a taxi back to the hotel. Well, the taxi ride took about 10 minutes longer than if we had walked. After shopping with no problem, we headed for dinner but forgot the name of the restaurant Shinko recommended. Instead of confirming with her, we went to the one that sounded right, and that can be counted as the wrong thing to do. The food was merely okay, and to say that is being extremely generous (which I'm known for... it's my hallmark). We then tried to get a taxi, and we were rejected by two separate drivers. So we hoofed it... with Shari's uncomfortable shoes and blistery feet.

So we officially have no more responsibilities besides making sure we get to where we need to be at the scheduled time. We hop on a train to Hong Kong tomorrow, and we then chill for a day as we wait to walk to the airport terminal on Thursday morning.

Cassidy is chattier today than she'd been. When I returned from running some errands, I was shocked to find her walking around on her own. I mean, she was actually completely separated from Shari... by like 10 feet. Not only that, but she actually approached me to hand me things she was randomly picking up. Of course, once she realized what she was doing, she freaked out again when I knelt down and tried to hand her something back.

Her voice is very hoarse right now from all of the crying, and I hope that holds up just long enough to get us through the flights two days from now.

Blog at you later.

Another Day, Another Yuan...

Well we've officially got the first week in the books. Shari spent more quality wee-hour time with Cassidy, so we all ended up not getting out of bed terribly early. We were supposed to go out around 11:30 to do something (don't remember what...), but Cassidy fell asleep in the stroller before we could make it out the door. She has cried so much and so hard over the last week that she is actually hoarse right now. Fortunately, with a change of formula and other supplementary solid foods, Cassidy made it through the day without writhing on the floor in pain. And thank you for asking, but no, Cassidy is still not my biggest fan. (I am.)

Shinko and Echo suggested we try the Bruce Lee fast-food restaurant downstairs for the girl's next dinner. We decided to order some pork spare rib dishes for ourselves as well. One out of three ended up being thrilled, and can you guess who that was?

You see, from a distance, the meal looks pretty good. When you close in on the "soup," the perspective changes a little bit. The spare ribs - regardless of the size of the piece - seemed to have a bone in every bite. The soup was oily as can be. I drizzled some on my rice for flavor, and even that didn't sit too well with my stomach 12 hours later. Although Cassidy had what I'd describe as a Chinese meatloaf dish, she absolutely loved her dining experience! In fact, she loved it so much we gave her the exact same thing tonight. Shari and I elected to not follow suit.

When we did manage to get out today, we toured a market area. Shari enjoyed the experience of haggling China-style while I loathed the experience of watching everyone in my proximity turn to look and look and look some more at Cassidy. After the third haggle attempt, I strongly supported the idea to head back to the stare-free confines of our hotel room. Maybe it is just that my hayseed-ness comes out whenever I am surrounded by SO MANY people, but I really think my issue begins and ends with the staring and my helplessness in that situation.

Undeterred by last night's dining setback, Shari and I committed to trying dumplings for dinner. I had said that I couldn't leave China without having some dumplings, because they made up a significant portion of my diet while I was in Shanghai three years ago. Echo explained to us that they come either steamed or in a soup and that the souped version tends to be lighter on dough and heavier on meat, so we elected to try that with some "vegetables." I personally didn't mind the dumplings overall. If they would have been consistently good like the first couple, I would have loved them. The trouble is they varied significantly from first to last, and sometimes that variance meant swallowing without chewing. The soup was good as was the spicey sauce. The vegetables were a "Chinese lettuce" that came complete with small flower buds consistent with weeds back home. I commend Shari for even trying them.

I tip my hat to the Chinese. They are a hardcore people. They can eat just about anything. They can make use of just about anything. They are survivors in urban or rural environments. There is a strength to them that I don't see in a lot of Americans today. They don't look to the government to bail them out or give them the world... mostly because they know Big Red won't. What they don't have, they get by without. They don't go around crying about offense or get crippled by hurt feelings. Now if they could just figure out how to value life and not stare at my daughter...

I guess the tone of my last paragraph has tipped my hand. After nil deliberation, Shari and I have decided to move to Guangzhou! I've decided to pursue a career in Chinese commercial voiceovers. I know that once I master reading Mandarin, I will be absolutely awesome at it. I've heard the same commercials at least 1,541 times, and I know I would rock this joint! We're arranging for the kids to be shipped to us via DHL, and we are having a huge garage sale to liquidate our material assets in the states. We have really taken to sweating our butts off in late October, and we enjoy the surprise that every bite of authentic local cuisine represents. Sorry to spring this on you in a blog...

Oh, I so enjoyed that. I actually had a lot more that I chose to delete just because I've promised my wife and myself to be a good boy.

Kudos to Debbie for the comment. Shari and I got a good laugh out of the "J for J" reference.

BIG NEWS...

In case you didn't know, Mizzou beat the mess out of Colorado! Coming from a time when Mizzou suffered the infamous 5th down and years of losing to the Buffaloes, I'm always thrilled to announce total beatdowns! In case you were wondering, that basically guarantees that the Rams will lose to the Patriots... because the Rams and Tigers have a pact whereby one team wins, so the other team loses. It's really only a theory at this point. I'm still fine tuning it.

Anywho... regarding the previous post from my beloved, all I can say is that she is completely and utterly delusional. Seeing three adult men urinating out in the open along a main highway on the way into town as countless vehicles whizzed past (pun intended)... coupled with the unfortunate interruptions to our sleep courtesy of tummy-troubled Cassidy... put her over the edge. Everyone knows that I am not a nice guy, therefore I physically cannot do nice things. I'm not even sure we have dishes to wash, and I cannot even spell "bottle" let alone make one up for feedings. Do me a favor: the next time she tries to get on the subject of how wonderful I've been, just nod convincingly, and be as supportive as you can be for the poor, whacked-out lass.

It is presently about 6:25 p.m. here, and we're on the verge of doing something about dinner. Last night, I ran out and got some Papa John's. Like so many other things, it isn't quite like Midwest Papa makes it, but I thought it was okay. I was even okay to eat three pieces that had been sitting out overnight. Shari swore the pizza smelled of the aquarium market we walked through four times and tasted funny on top of that, but I didn't notice anything. I'm getting to a point now where trying the western fast-food options is just as exciting as trying authentic Chinese dishes because it's interesting to see how far off their rendition is from what we have back home. In every case, it's been close enough to be at least edible (which is comparable to McD's back home) or even comparable in quality, but there definitely seems to be a premium to pay around here... at least for the pizzas.

Today we went to see a statue and a five-story pagoda. The pagoda is cool because it dates back to 1380, and it's the only remaining section of the ancient city wall. The statue is five rams that became rocks and spared the residents of Guangzhou famine forever. I'm curious how anyone can believe this but find the Truth ridiculous! While I was inside the pagoda, which is also a museum, I took some more illegal pics. (I didn't know they were illegal until after I took them.)

(The last shot was the view of Guangzhou from the fifth floor of the pagoda.)

As far as Cassidy goes, it's been a mixed bag today. Earlier in the day, she actually reached for me when Mama went behind those dreaded bathroom doors. Of course, she never stopped crying during that time, but she did reach for me. She woke up more than once in the night, once because she was hungry and again because her tummy was bugging her. She was inconsolable for who knows how long, but it passed... with a bowel movement, I think. After her nap, she again was absolutely inconsolable for over 40 minutes. For 25 minutes, she did not want to even be touched by Mama. She pretty much just writhed wherever she was laying. I think we've accurately diagnosed the issue as gastrointestinal. We have decided to change the formula and see if that solves the problem. She is doing okay now... aside from being back to not reaching for me when Mama leaves the room. Oh well, we take what we can get.

And a special thanks goes out to Roberto for his kind comment and wonderful insight on this fatherly adoption experience.

Hello from Shari

Well, I decided to try and blog today. I can't promise to be as witty as my husband, but for those with weaker stomachs, I can promise no pictures of 2,000 year old mummys. I must share one disagreement with my husband. I love the hotel in Guangzhou! I love the space. That being said, the arrangement of the room or lack of bottle making space has not been an issue for me because I have not had to make one bottle or wash one bottle or measure out medicine or wash one dispenser. My husband is wonderful. Can I brag on him for a moment? He has taken such good care of us. It has been a blessing to watch him take any opportunity to show Cassidy love. Everytime she'll let him feed her the cheerios, or hold the bottle up for her, or giggle at his tickles, he's right there. And then, when she cries when he walks toward her, or sobs when he holds her while I'm in the shower, he smiles at her and says, "it's o.k., babe", and waits for the next good moment. One of my favorite things is when we go for walks. Cassidy loves to walk. Now she knows walking includes Daddy, so she'll pull me to him, grab his finger and pull on him. She loves to walk the long hallway because she can pick up some good speed there. Yesterday, we went for a walk and Brad had to run back in the room for something. Instead of heading on down the hallway, she pulled me back to the door and waited there for him, grabbed his finger and we were off. It's just a matter of time before she sits on Daddy's lap and he's trying to type one handed. Can I also brag on my daughter for a moment? She truly is beautiful. Her smile is awesome, her giggle even better. She's so smart. Very curious. Very determined. Anxious to learn. Great at cuddling. Can't wait to see all the awesome plans to prosper her and not to harm; the ones to give her a hope and future. It's so fun to see her learn something new, like, Patty-Cake. It's also fun to see her have a moment of feeling safe while she plays five inches or, even once, five feet from me. It's hard to hear her cry in the night as if she's terrified. Then it's awesome to hear her sigh and breathe deep as she falls back to sleep on my shoulder. Yes, the trips out are hard sometimes. When someone does smile and tries to talk to you or acknowledges her with a smile, you feel like you just made a friend and should exchange e-mail addresses. My biggest goal with the stares tends to be trying to make eye contact and saying hello. This tends to force a smile and seems to lighten the mood a bit. My other tactic is to look through everyone and pay attention to the scenery or focus on that beautiful girl. If all else fails, we head back to the hotel and enjoy her there. I'm very excited by the fact that Cassidy will be able to let her "little light shine" and humbled that He would let me be her mom and watch her grow.

Hello Guangzhou!

Well it was goodbye to Changsha...

and hello to the lap of luxury...

Okay, sort of but not really. It's a really big space that is really not-so-cheap (800 RMB per night... or $117.36 USD), but it's completely impractical. The morning buffet is not included, and it costs beyond the acceptable norm (168 RMB per adult... or $24.65 USD)... not to mention that it's really exceptionally average. The square footage of the bathroom is huge, but the workable counter space is terribly small. The refrigerator is smaller. The internet access has more glitches. For us, the bigger space just means it's harder to find anything. I much preferred the Dolton Hotel in Changsha... which would probably shock Echo and Shinko to hear. I could never drink enough complimentary coconut milk or eat enough cantaloupe wedges to even it out...

On the flip side, the shower head is very nice, the furniture is nice, the hotel staff is very nice, and the hotel is well located. Unlike Changsha, we will be able to get around on our own, and Echo and Shinko actually seem comfortable with us heading out solo. Maybe they just didn't think we personally weren't up to the challenge of heading out in the Hunan Province. I don't know. We definitely like it here better. The people here have been marginally more courteous than up north.

We still get "train-crash" stares everywhere we go, but there have been just enough people who have been able to look beyond the malformation and treat her as a baby/toddler. Yes, there are some who practically gasp when they see her. There are some who do a 180-degree turn just to keep staring at her. But I thank Him for the one woman who approached us, warmly greeted us, warmly talked to her, and then invited us to her store. We were so thrilled with her warmth that we gladly went and spent $31 USD in her store. She gave Cassidy and Shari a few free gifts... (I didn't get squat.)

All I need is that one person to occasionally come along who looks beyond Cassidy's current facial features and just loves on the baby. If not for those people, the streets become unbearable for me. The more crowded the streets, the more unbearable. Echo tried to say that people are just curious, and when I brought up the gasping, she just said these people cannot imagine trying to raise someone like her and that they would probably never take her out of the house. I can relate to that. I'm not ashamed of her, but I don't want her treated that way. Papa Bear is having a hard time dealing with people looking at her in a negative way.

Papa Bear is becoming increasingly aware that had he even intended to bring Cassidy to Faith Family any time soon, he is not going to do it because he currently doesn't trust himself to respond as a good witness. I know that all it would take is some idiotic comment from a teenager (or adult) to set me completely off. Can you imagine being stared at day after day and not being able to respond or defend your little one? I keep wanting to ask Shinko and Echo how to say, "Can I help you...?" or, "What the hell is your problem?" in Mandarin, but the Big Man The only saving grace is that she currently does not understand what the stares are for, and I pray that her condition will be settled before she gains that understanding.

All things are possible... like me getting back to a place of peace and joy. Maybe that will help me regain some lost ground with the girl. I've elected to give her as much space as she wants because trying to maintain proximity and holding her during Mama's occasional excursions to the bathroom seems to have set us back some. I'm convinced more and more that she will only come around once she sees how the other kids react to me.

Oh well. Enough for now. Maybe I'll get back to a happy enough place to start taking pictures again.

I cannot say enough how marvelous Shinko and Echo have been. We do not know what we would have done without them. They have made everything as effortless as humanly possible.

For December 25th, we're going to get her an empty two-liter...

The Craziest Thing Happened

Not only was it sunny in Changsha today, but it was actually clear as well! Months before we'd ever left on our journey, we had looked Changsha up on Google Earth and seen that it was in a mountainous area. Well, there was no proof of that in our previous days here. Imagine our surprise when we looked out on the horizon and see real-life mountains... in all directions. It was shocking!

Today, Shinko took us (via taxi) to the Changsha Museum. While there is some interesting artwork there, the centerpiece of the museum is a 2,100-year-old mummy. We borrowed a stroller from the hotel and put it to good use. It didn't start out well since Cassidy was not having the separation, but Mama walked hunched over beside her just long enough to see her fall asleep. Of course, they didn't make it easy to get a stroller to the museum as no ramps were provided to circumvent the 50 or so steps. The art area was pretty intimidating because they had a staff member posted at every painting in addition to policemen. They made it abundantly clear that no pictures were to be taken in the art exhibition rooms. Before we could even enter the building, we had to dump out our water... even Cassidy's. The mummy was pretty cool in a gross sort of way... not like any mummy I'd ever seen before.

People were a lot nicer on this outing. We still had to endure some people openly and obviously talking about Cassidy (and us), but we also had one man gives us a thumbs-up sign and another couple of people actually acknowledge us and attempt to ask about her condition. If they would all do that - Americans included (once we get stateside) - it would be so much nicer. I can tell I'm going to have a problem not getting rubbed the wrong way back home... but admitting you have a problem (or they have a problem) is the first step to conquering it. Right?

Life with Cassidy has gotten incrementally better and worse. She's feeling more comfortable, so she's definitely showing us more of her personality. She likes to roughhouse, and she's prone to wanting to take it too far. It's hard to put the brakes on her since this is one of the few ways I have to bond with her. I have that, playing with toys, walking her in the hallway with Mama, and Cheerios. I'm officially numb to her wailing every time Shari leaves the room. I'm not insensitive to it, but it definitely doesn't strike me to the core of my being anymore. It's no longer heartbreaking. She cries up to the second Shari takes her, and then she is able to stop the waterworks almost immediately. Judging by the tears and snot, I know she's crying, but...

So we cruised the hallways multiple times, had KFC for lunch, ate ramen noodles for dinner, and we now look forward to traveling to Guangzhou tomorrow.

Update with Not-So-Creative Title

Well we're reaching the end of our Wednesday. We've had some advances (which Cassidy reserves the right to withdraw at any time), and more of her personality is coming out. Once she learned she was free to use her legs, she had us doing laps down the hallways on the 30th floor. She also seems to enjoy playing rather violently. She would actually grab my finger and pull me to her under the pretense of inflicting perceived pain on me as long as she was still touching Mama. At one point, she got so excited that she tried to bite me and then smiled about it. The face she makes when she's trying to put the hurt on me is really something to see. (Unfortunately, any play time I get means Shari has a view of the back of her head... and that means I'm really the only one seeing her face... as if no one would believe me if I told them what I had seen...) With all that progress... including her messing with my hair and trying to grab the glasses off of my face... when Mama leaves the room or so much as puts her down, the little girl freaks out like normal.

In addition to expressing herself more, she's also expanded her diet. In addition to Cheerios, ramen noodles, and congee, she also likes soft McDonald's french fries. She doesn't like rice cereal served as a cereal, she doesn't like fruit, she doesn't appear to like meat, and she doesn't seem to like any of the baby food options we've offered her tonight. The eating thing is driving me nuts. How can a province known for its spicy foods offer such a ridiculously bland diet to the orphanage babies? How can it make sense that an almost two-year-old is basically eating at a 10-month-old level (sans the french fries and Cheerios)?! I want to give her fruits and meat and see her freak out in a good way over the stuff she's gone without, and all she'll eat are CHEERIOS, RAMEN NOODLES, CONGEE, and FRENCH FRIES! BAH!

On a sidenote, I finally cut into the unique, Asian fruit Echo the social worker recommended to me. See the pics below.






And yes, I liked it. It was a lot more bland than I was hoping for, but it was still good. Kind of mushy...

Oh well, back at it again tomorrow...

"Changsha" Spelled Backwards is "B-R-U-T-A-L"

Well today is the first rainy day we've had on the entire trip. Believe it or not, the rainy conditions decrease the visibility even more than normal. Not that rain has anything to do with the title of this post. To catch you up to the minute (roughly noon), everyone woke up at roughly 3:00 a.m., but Cassidy went back to sleep for maybe an hour. Cassidy actually slept on my chest for about 20 minutes this morning... because she was already unconscious when Mama covertly handed her over to me. Of course, once she realized whose chest she was laying on (which she did without actually looking at my face), she freaked out. On the good news side of things, you can forget what I wrote about her not being able to walk. Give the girl two fingers to hold on to - as long as one belongs to Mama - and she is off to the races. She actually will hold on to my finger and walk without shrieking. I enjoy those moments.



While I could be talking about how much Cassidy would still love for me to be back in the U.S., I'm actually talking more about the city in general. Perhaps it's the undeniable fact that our little girl gives people a little something extra to look at, but people here (outside of the hotel staff) have not been warm, hospitable, or kind in the least... unless kindness is the measure between what we've received and, say, a mugging. I don't know why people think that just because they speak another language that they should feel free to talk about you. It's been so obvious when people have stared at her and said whatever they've had to say. We were told to expect people to approach us - even "swarms" of people - interested in our young one. Well, we've had two people smile at us as they continued on their merry way, and one of those was a middle-aged man who seemed amused that I greeted him with "ni hao" as he stared at us. Everyone else has either acted like we don't exist, or they stare and make it clear they're talking about us. That's one aspect of the trip that has been really disappointing. I was really looking forward to getting back to the hospitality, friendliness, and courtesy, but it seems it's everywhere we aren't. Once again, the family from two mornings ago commented on how friendly and welcoming the people have been towards them. Maybe their comparison is a mugging... a North Dakota mugging.



We did get out this morning and went to an embroidery museum, and it was cool. Cassidy has decided that she hates the side sling we brought to lug her around, so she had to be walked around. Then she got sick of walking, so Mama had to carry her.



Echo, the social worker's trainer, told me that picture taking was prohibited, but I took some anyway. The first picture was taken before she told us that, and she acknowledged that no one else was there to stop us or say anything... so I took the rest. We also got to see embroidery works in process, and we found out that some of them can take as long as a full year to make. They actually use a computer to print the image on the parchment medium, and then they embroider over the top of it. Sometimes they do it from a blank slate. Like I said, it was cool... but not in an air-conditioned kind of way.

Today I'll be going back out to Wal-Mart or some other store to get more wipes, baby food, and a bib... and maybe some other things. I bought a strange-looking fruit yesterday that I have yet to cut into. It's a "dragon" something or other. All I know is it has "dragon" in the name, looks weird, and is supposed to be sweet and sour. We shall see how my $0.60 investment goes.

So what's brutal? The pollution, the lack of warmth and hospitality on the streets, the obvious and unfriendly stares... and the pollution. I've enjoyed the food, though... and the girl is definitely worth it. She has one of the best smiles ever!

Over 24 Hours In...

Well Cassidy still has a "fondness" for Mama. Progress in bonding with Baba (which is Chinese for "Papa... again, Chinese is so easy!) is moving ever so slowly. She tolerates me at Cheerios time, and I've figured out that Shari can actually go into the restroom without her crying as long as we are looking out of the window at the city (with visibility of about a half-mile). Mind you, I haven't had the opportunity to test that a second time, so I don't know that the theory will consistently hold true.


Let's see. What else have we learned besides she's not much of a walker? Well she has a bit of a cold, and she itches a lot. I'd like to think the itching is from the bath last night, but she has preexisting scratches on both shoulder blades and along her legs that might suggest something else (scabies perhaps?). We've given her some benadryl and purchased some lotion in the hopes that these will remedy the coughing and itching.


Right now, it's about the 1:00 hour, and I've had the opportunity to venture out and enjoy one of the area Wal-Mart Super Centers. It's unlike any Wal-Mart I've ever been to, but they're still rolling back prices.









I then went to a McDonald's that reminded me of Shanghai. Everything was close but no cigar... the fries weren't quite right, the burger had cucumbers on it instead of pickles, and the coke just didn't taste like Coca-Cola Classic to me. Mama enjoyed the surprise of the Hunan spicy sauce on the burger.

FYI... I just tested the window theory, and it doesn't prove out. All I have at the moment is Cheerios.

I know I've painted a somewhat bleak picture (at least from the father perspective), but our experience is not everyone's. There was another woman at the Bureau yesterday who was getting a younger girl, and that girl was all smiles from within a minute of being handed over. She is very energetic and active already (saw her this morning at breakfast).



That being said, I'd be lying if I didn't say this outright fear directed towards me is brutally hard. It might be the toughest thing I've ever had to endure... and I've endured some crap in my life. She will come around, though... even if it doesn't happen until we get home.

It is Accomplished!

Well our day basically started at 2:30 this morning. Neither of us managed to get back to sleep. We were determined to stay in bed until 5:30. (The good news is that I actually got almost six hours of sleep since I basically crashed around 7:30 the night before.) The best line of the wee hours has to go to Shari. As we pondered how we never managed to get much sleep the night before a child was born, she said, "I'd take an epidural right about now..." after about two hours of accomplishing no sleep. We then got out of bed and proceeded to get ready.

We went down for breakfast buffet at the same place that had the snakey, turtley, doggy stuff the night before. I tried some things, the worst being a sesame rice ball that was basically some kind wad of sesame seed-coated, uncooked rice dough. It was not so good. Understand that even when you do the "Western" dishes, it can still be an adventure. What they fill a sausage with is not necessarily what we'd fill a sausage with, if you catch my drift. It was mostly very good, and the service was very good as well.

While we were there, a family on the verge of going back to North Dakota took the table next to ours. Their little 19-month-old boy was just as adorable as he could be, and he was responding well to both parents. The mother told us that the room was very crowded with adoptions taking place. The father warned us that the first 30 minutes was very hard, but it had been easy for them ever since. It was funny to watch the little one take unfamiliar things out of his mouth and test the texture with his fingers. Having taken up enough of their time and running a little short on time ourselves, we headed back to our room. Once we got there, we realized we still had a fair amount of time before we were supposed to meet Shinko in the lobby at 8:45 to exchange dollars for RMB (Chinese currency otherwise known as "Yuan"). On the way down, we realized we had forgotten the gifts, so I had to head back up and grab those.

Eventually it was time to head to the Civil Affairs Bureau to meet Cassidy for the first time and take possession of her. Shinko had told us that we might wait as long as one hour before we would get to see her. We walked into the place, and not only was it empty with the exception of three people, one of those three people was Cassidy!

The first picture shows her with one of her orphanage caregivers, and that was actually the last time we had seen her smile until just a moment ago (maybe) at 5:35. Of course, she apparently is only smiling when she doesn't see us. Anyway, Mama (which is Chinese for "Momma"... Chinese is easy) picked her up, and the tears started. When the caregivers left the room, the real wailing began, and she didn't let up for over 20 minutes. The good news is that she calmed down after those 20 minutes. The bad news is she won't let me go anywhere near her. The good news is that I'm used to people not being too fond of me. The bad news is Shari does have to use the restroom every now and again, and those moments of separation don't go over too well with little Cassidy. The good news is I won't have to change any diapers until there is bonding beyond eating Cheerios from my fingers. The bad news is I planned for the worst, and I got it. The good news is I know it will be all good in the end.

We have only had her for eight hours now, but we can tell she's a smart little girl. She definitely knows what she wants and when she wants it, and she'll let you know all about it via tears. (You haven't lived until you've been cussed out in Mandarin by a little girl who comes up to your knee.) Okay, I don't know that I was being cussed out per se, but it was definitely an expression of discontent in Mandarin. Mama is the only one in the room that can hold her. Despite that, when Mama has caught her smiling and eye contact has been made, the smile goes away in an instant. There's still some room for bonding and attachment growth towards both of us. NEWS FLASH... in the time that it's taken me to write this much, she's responded to tickling with smiles and almost-laughter!

On the down side... not there's really a down side... she has some developmental delays. She hasn't demonstrated that she can move around on her own. I understand that she may be scared stiff, but she hasn't really demonstrated much of an ability to walk. She can sit up forever, though. She'll get there! She can't speak a lick of English either! Go figure!

Until next time, great is Thy faithfulness!

2:30 a.m. Comedy Tour

We had both been awake for about a half-hour when I intentionally rolled out of the bed onto the floor. Shari asked, "What are you doing?"

I responded, "I'm sleeping on a softer surface..."

On a side note, I will definitely be going to a massage parlor in the near future. (A legitimate one...) I currently am at a place where I cannot sleep on my left shoulder anymore... at least not tonight. This is unfortunate because it's typically the side I sleep on. Wow, you're learning so much about me.

I'm going to have to go out of my way to divulge Shari facts...

What About Me?

I've spent a fair amount of time talking about where we've gone and where we are. The one thing I haven't mentioned thus far is how we are doing. Make no bones about it (what does that even mean?), jet lag is vicious. It has been a major struggle to get between four and six hours of sleep each night. Personally, the sleep has come in 1.5-2 hour increments between numbness and muscular atrophy sensations. By that, I mean the feeling you get after you've been working out regularly and then miss a couple of weeks. Only I haven't missed a couple of weeks. The numbness is akin to sleeping on a body part wrong... only there is no right way. Short story long, I wake up, do some stretches or exercises, maybe read The Book, and try to go back to sleep. Two hours later, I repeat the process. Shari has a watered down version of the same thing going on... minus the muscle sensations. It's very frustrating to not get consistent sleep... and for it to be low-quality on top of that.


At this point in the day (7:20 p.m.), I have very little left in the tank. We went down to the hotel restaurant to have dinner, and I could barely communicate with the hostess who at this stage seems to know better English than me. She invited us to go check out the buffet, and there were several good-looking, nice-smelling items. There were also items like braised river turtle, braised spicy dog, and let's not forget the snake. So I opted for the menu and had spaghetti (although not like momma cooks it), and Shari had a club sandwich that was unlike any club sandwich she's ever had. (I do not mean that it was out of this world.) I am frustrated because I don't want to spend this trip eating Western food, but I am so out of it that I just couldn't take the leap and try the non-snakey, non-turtley things. I hope to wake up tomorrow after a better night of sleep.


That's going to be a tall order considering that our mattress is a sheeted brick. Actually, I laid down on it about 15 minutes before going down to dinner, and it actually felt quite nice. Sleep deprivation changes the perspective on things in a hurry. If nothing else, I'll do the trick my boss taught me after all of his excursions to the Far East, which is to use the spare blanket as a "pillow top" to help take the edge off.

Oh well, better go and try to sleep, so that I can do my best to be energized for our new daughter tomorrow. We leave here at 9:00 in the morning to meet her for the first time (8:00 p.m. back home).

This is street view below my window. I was able to take it because the windows here actually open all the way.

Brad out.

Welcome to Changsha

Well we have arrived in Changsha (pronounced "chong shaw" with a short "aw"). It is truly different than Hong Kong. There are different smells here, and the architecture is more old-school China. People are not necessarily as friendly as I experienced in Shanghai (first impression), but they are definitely more curious about the pale-skins walking down the street than the Hong Kong people were (by virtue of being a more international city). Changsha definitely has more of an industrial feel to it... with the smog to go along with it. We hadn't been in town for a couple of hours when the social workers took us for a walk to the grocery store. It was interesting. It's the anti-Wal-Mart (there is a Wal-Mart here). You know how it can sometimes be hard to find some help? Not so here. There have about six employees per aisle! They definitely go out of their way to deliver the service!


Maybe I'll blog again later, but here are some new pics to tide you over until then:



Pictures in order: on our way to the grocery store, Shari shopping for baby bottles, dried squid, and the view from our room.

We will meet Cassidy for the first time in less than 17 hours!

Hong Kong, Tourist-Style

We did a few active things today... besides walking the streets aimlessly looking for a store selling outlet plug adapters (Hong Kong is apparently different from the rest of China). We walked through Kowloon Park, took the Star Ferry to Hong Kong Island, walked the sky walks as far as they would take us, and then took the tram to the Peak (not Shari's idea of fun and definitely a big mistake). We ended our day with a taste from the culture (McDonald's). It was much more like the back-home stuff than Shanghai's.









Hong Kong has been a vastly different experience from my time in Shanghai in other ways besides McDonald's. The people speak better English, but they don't seem as friendly (the British influence perhaps? Your thoughts, Rowena?). There is an abundance of cash flying around there. I know there is a high-rent district in Shanghai, but there were top-brand stores all over the place. Instead of two out of three cars being a Buick, there were Hondas, Toyotas, Lexuses (or is it Lexi?), Porsches, etc. etc. Electronic devices of all types were readily on display by people walking the streets. The store owners weren't nearly so willing to haggle. While there are street peddlers here, they almost exclusively push tailoring and watches, and 99% of the ones I saw were of Indian or Pakistani descent. Other than that, it is easier to breathe here than it was there. There is just enough smog to give everything a captivating glow.



In terms of similarities, Hong Kong has its share of bustling activity on the streets. There are people everywhere, and the sidewalks are crowded. While drivers don't seem to be quite as passive-aggressive, you definitely never want to take for granted that they have the right of way... always. Here's my favorite shot of the people:




Oh, and Shari wanted me to be sure to tell Debbie that she ate lychee today. (I did not.)

Until next time.

Live and Direct from Hong Kong

Well after a 39 minute flight to Chicago, a three-hour layover there, and a 15.5-hour flight over the northern ice cube, we are finally here. We had favor in getting an earlier flight to Chicago (although we didn't end up needing the time). We had favor in getting our seats together (our seats had been across the aisle originally). We had an easy time of getting to the hotel, and the taxi fare was cheaper than expected.

The pictures (starting from the top) are: Shari sitting patiently in the Food Court at O'Hare, proof that Global Warming is a hoax, my best guess at our flight plan based on what the flight crew had shown us on the screens, the view from our Marco Polo Hotel window, and a close-up of the left side of that view.

Today we've walked the streets a little bit, and we plan to go to the Kowloon Park and then take the Star Ferry to Hong Kong Island where we will attempt to go to the Peak and see some cool sights.

Until the next post...