Mystery Solved

For weeks I have been wondering, "What is the deal?!" I've wondered, "When is Cassidy going to commit to liking me...?" We've played well together one moment only to have her stare at me with the look of terror the next. I've had her rolling with tickles only to have her stop without warning and slap at me like she was ready to fight. I've had her practically leap out of my arms to get back to Shari. I've had her greet me with a smile when I get home from work only to have her treat me like I have cooties by the time I get my coat off. Well I identified the problem on Saturday.

The problem is my wife. On Saturday, she had to run errands for most of the day, so I was left to care for the entire brood... by myself. As usual, Cassidy cried as she was handed over to me. As usual, she cried as Mommy went out the door. As usual, she was done crying by the time Shari had pulled out of the driveway. I didn't hear another cry for the rest of my alone time with her. She wasn't clingy, and she wasn't whiney. Actually, she was generally content. Occasionally, she would wrap her arms around my legs to let me know she wanted to be picked up... just like she does to Shari. When it was nap time, she went down without a single whimper. (It was the first time I didn't have to rock her by trapping her on her side while holding her!) As a matter of fact, I was even able to get her to go back to sleep when she was rudely awakened by Zachary (sometimes the boy has only one range of volume... loud and louder). When she woke up, she was even happy to see me! It went so well that even when Shari got home, she was not quick to dive out of my arms. When we sat on the couch four feet apart, Cassidy did not scamper over to where Shari was. It was amazing.

Of course, that was Saturday, and then there has been every day since then. I'm surprised I was able to share the last paragraph with you because it seems so long ago to me. Unlike the heavenly nap night-night experience of Saturday, last night's experience resulted in unsuccessful experimentation and tough love. "What did you do...?" you're wondering. Well, as she was crying, I decided to see what blowing in her mouth would do... since she's not an itty-bitty who would lose her breath as a result. That didn't go so well. While it did manage to shorten her cries, she seemed to get more hacked off... a little more quietly.

After a minute of that experiment, I decided to try putting her on the floor and then picking her up once she calmed down. She didn't stop crying until I picked her back up. When she started to cry again, I set her back down. When I picked her back up again, she was done with the crying, and she went right to sleep. (Of course, she ended up in our bed yet again after midnight.)

It's tough to gauge where adoption/orphanage trauma ends and terrible-twoedness begins. Since I knew she would immediately shut off the tears as soon as she came in contact with Shari, I was willing to gamble and assess that I was dealing with nothing more than a temper tantrum. She has those. Don't we all.

That's all for now.

Tough Patch

Over the last few days, we've found ourselves in a little bit of a downward trend. Cassidy is back to being a little more fearful and clingy as she was several weeks ago. She is also more extreme with her emotions. There is a lack of carryover peace from one activity to the next. By that I mean she can be fine if you're doing something that she likes, and you're screwed if you aren't. Last night, she loved me if I was walking her up and down the stairs (over and over and over again), feeding her, or putting lotion on her (did you know Asians are prone to dry skin?). If I wasn't doing those things, she really didn't want to have anything to do with me. I guess the good news is that she seemed a little more content in general after I did all of the stair walking than she was prior to that. I got to enjoy her most intense sleep-time crying ever. She finally quieted down when she decided to go #2 just before completely dozing off (not a good combo). Miraculously, she slept through the diaper change. I think I used up all of my mojo on that, though, because she ended up waking up around 3:30 and joining us in bed... again.

I am looking forward to the day that she no longer cries as she leaves Mommy's gravitational pull. I'm looking forward to her no longer crying herself to sleep in my arms. In the meantime, I try to marvel and wonder about her idiosyncracies. For example, when she cries in my arms, she tends to cover up her wide-open mouth with her arm. It's like she's screaming, but she doesn't want to be heard. It makes me wonder if this came from the orphanage experience and what that experience was exactly. A funnier behavior is when she wants me to read her a book (or three words off of one page), she kneels down to look and listen. After a sentence or two (or a word or two), she'll get up take the book from me, walk a couple steps, turn around, hand me the book, and repeat the process multiple times.

The excellent news of yesterday was that we finally received Cassidy's official citizenship document. She's bonafied American now.