Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Life Six Months In
On April 20th, we celebrated the six-month mark... by not doing much more than acknowledging the date. We appreciated the date, and we spent a little time expressing how grateful we were for how far we had come at that point. It can be seen in the little things. For example, when the family leaves just the two of us alone in the house, she now only cries for 30 of the 90 minutes, which is more than a 50% decrease over past experiences. Last night she even kissed me on the lips, and so what if I normally don't allow that?! Yay for progress! We've come a long way in a short amount of time.
As you can see from her picture, the eye continues to slowly-but-steadily improve with the daily doses of beta blocker. It has progressed to the point where the chief eye specialist deemed her fit for an eyeglass prescription. She will have new glasses in a couple of weeks. (Not to be outdone, Jacob will have his own pair of reading glasses around the same time... handpicked by himself.) The doctor was amazed at how easily Cass took to trying glasses on. Not to brag, but he hasn't been the first completely objective professional to remark about how highly intelligent she is. (Is it bragging when you really have absolutely nothing to do with it?)
With the assertion of genius status, it follows that you might wonder about her general development. Well, she isn't lagging behind in much these days. Speech is still an issue; she can say, "Mama," "Dada," "diaper," "go," and "baby" but almost never when you want her to. She's good at signing, but she still requires a little reminding. She tends to prefer to shake her head "no" to everything at first until she understands that you're talking about something that she likes at the moment. She can understand a great deal. She just prefers to squeak, grunt, and wail. Personally, I think she's just being modest with her overwhelming brain power. In five years, I imagine I'll be asking her for business advice.
While language has lagged a little, the other stuff she's learned is infinitely more important. She has learned to hug, to kiss, to high five, and to fist bump. She has learned to tell the dog to "GO!" and that a well-timed smile and giggle directed at Daddy will get her just about anything she wants- including the last little bit of sugary goodness in his possession. She has learned that her big sister is really cool... and a little rough. She can clumsily run when she initially could barely walk and hardly crawl. She has her own trademarked interpretation of a dog barking and pig oinking, both much better than the real deal. Above all else, she has learned what a family is, and she knows she is a irreplaceable, priceless part of ours. She knows that she is loved.
Sure, her emotions might still turn on a dime. No one goes from laughing to crying faster than her. No one goes from giggling to screaming faster than her. No one goes from total acceptance to complete rejection faster than her. What are you going to do? On top of being adopted into a strange family from a foreign country, she's two! We'll give her some grace on that... and some timeouts probably. (She doesn't like them.)
I think we've all pretty well adjusted to her and all that she entails. It's getting easier and easier to not take the 180-degree turns she throws at us. If she doesn't want to be held, it's okay now. No big deal. Okay, I confess that it's easier now than before. Why? Even when she rejects being held, she'll still take a kiss on the forehead. She'll almost always take the kiss. Sometimes she even comes looking for it.
That's progress.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Not for the Feint of Heart
Once upon a time, I inadvertently gave some people the impression that there was some noble cause element to our adopting from China. I had expressed exactly what happened- that a grief had been born out of the revelation of the plight of many Chinese women and my first-hand experiences there. Let me be crystal clear that sparing one Chinese girl that experience- especially the one that my beautiful daughter would have had having been institutionalized (orphanage) and deemed imperfect physically- was a side effect, a byproduct and nothing more. If philanthropy and noble causes were my intention, I simply cannot imagine this experience. I really don't know if I could make it if not for the fact that she's as much my child as the other three.
Parenting is the toughest thing I have ever done. Being father to Cassidy is the toughest of the tough. It's not that I struggle with making myself love her because I do. It's not that it just doesn't feel like I'd expect it to because I didn't know what to expect. It is that it's just so... "bizarre." I have never fancied that I would ever been equal to Shari in her eyes, but I never thought I would be reliving China experiences five months downstream. I never imagined that I would ever experience her crying for 20+ minutes straight again simply because I'm not Mommy. I never thought she would be able to so consistently flip the switch so completely and effortlessly in going from happy and inclusive to freaked out and completely exclusive. There have been times when her billboard-blatant ambivalence to me has crushed me more than anything any of my kids have ever done.
I've been reassured by many other people that they have experienced seasons of their biological children choosing the other parent over them and smarting from it. Well, I've never had that, ever. All of my kids, from day one, have been pretty content with me. I have always been able to comfort them. I have always been the destination. Enter Cassidy, aka Little Miss Ambivalence. When I leave the house, she waves and smiles. When Shari leaves the house, she sobs and wails to just short of losing her breath. Eventually she calms down. Things are usually okay when she calms down. Within the last three weeks, there was one incident where she cried for at least 75 out of 90 minutes. When she finally peeled herself away from the gate, we were fine; she was all smiles from then on.
It's been disconcerting. I've had all kinds of thoughts. Is it the prescription beta blocker she's on? Is my eldest child undermining me? Is it my work hours? Did she misconstrue my roughhousing with the boys as something sinister? Can I not raise my voice at all in her presence?? Do I need to double up on deodorant or use less?? No clue. I have no answers for why she seemed to have regressed so far. Shari was experiencing sensory overload, and Cassidy wasn't much better towards me than she was when we first got her. The only difference was that it was clear that she knows who I am. At least, that's what it felt like.
Well on Friday, I just couldn't hack the way things had been any longer. I decided I was going to tackle this issue- even if it would make it worse. I would rather be proactively wrong than passively so. As she tried to circumvent me to get to Mommy, I snatched her up and headed for the basement- just the two of us. As when we first got her, you would have thought it was a kidnapping based on her reaction. If I hadn't already seen it so many times before, I would say it was the hardest she's ever cried. She was red-faced with veins popping out everywhere and her mouth gaped wide. Her screams sounded so strained that I thought her vocal cords might spring from her body. When I tried to lure her over to the kitchen set she's liked to play with in the past, she just remained where she was, hopping around and spinning in wide-eyed circles. Then she charged into my arms but only because she wanted me to pick her up and take her back upstairs.
This went on for at least 30 minutes. As much as I would like to claim some credit in things getting better, it didn't happen until Jake and Kaitlyn came downstairs. It really didn't get better until Katie broke out a puzzle for Cassidy and her to play with. The tears stopped. The screaming stopped. The laughter started. She loved helping with the puzzle even though her only part was pushing pieces into place once we properly aligned them. She loved it.
Ever since then, she's been a different girl. She hasn't been as clingy to Shari. She has been warmer to me. She even rushed to me to give me a hug in the church hallways this morning. She then grabbed my finger to go on a walk with Mommy and her... even though I was at my security post at the time. (I obliged her.) Once home, she was back to wanting to be on my shoulders again, which she hadn't wanted for weeks. She was back to randomly wanting to sit on my lap... even though I didn't have food or drink to offer.
The difference is remarkable. The experience is crazy. I'll take my next round of beatings should they come.
I love my Cassidy Elizabeth through it all.
Parenting is the toughest thing I have ever done. Being father to Cassidy is the toughest of the tough. It's not that I struggle with making myself love her because I do. It's not that it just doesn't feel like I'd expect it to because I didn't know what to expect. It is that it's just so... "bizarre." I have never fancied that I would ever been equal to Shari in her eyes, but I never thought I would be reliving China experiences five months downstream. I never imagined that I would ever experience her crying for 20+ minutes straight again simply because I'm not Mommy. I never thought she would be able to so consistently flip the switch so completely and effortlessly in going from happy and inclusive to freaked out and completely exclusive. There have been times when her billboard-blatant ambivalence to me has crushed me more than anything any of my kids have ever done.
I've been reassured by many other people that they have experienced seasons of their biological children choosing the other parent over them and smarting from it. Well, I've never had that, ever. All of my kids, from day one, have been pretty content with me. I have always been able to comfort them. I have always been the destination. Enter Cassidy, aka Little Miss Ambivalence. When I leave the house, she waves and smiles. When Shari leaves the house, she sobs and wails to just short of losing her breath. Eventually she calms down. Things are usually okay when she calms down. Within the last three weeks, there was one incident where she cried for at least 75 out of 90 minutes. When she finally peeled herself away from the gate, we were fine; she was all smiles from then on.
It's been disconcerting. I've had all kinds of thoughts. Is it the prescription beta blocker she's on? Is my eldest child undermining me? Is it my work hours? Did she misconstrue my roughhousing with the boys as something sinister? Can I not raise my voice at all in her presence?? Do I need to double up on deodorant or use less?? No clue. I have no answers for why she seemed to have regressed so far. Shari was experiencing sensory overload, and Cassidy wasn't much better towards me than she was when we first got her. The only difference was that it was clear that she knows who I am. At least, that's what it felt like.
Well on Friday, I just couldn't hack the way things had been any longer. I decided I was going to tackle this issue- even if it would make it worse. I would rather be proactively wrong than passively so. As she tried to circumvent me to get to Mommy, I snatched her up and headed for the basement- just the two of us. As when we first got her, you would have thought it was a kidnapping based on her reaction. If I hadn't already seen it so many times before, I would say it was the hardest she's ever cried. She was red-faced with veins popping out everywhere and her mouth gaped wide. Her screams sounded so strained that I thought her vocal cords might spring from her body. When I tried to lure her over to the kitchen set she's liked to play with in the past, she just remained where she was, hopping around and spinning in wide-eyed circles. Then she charged into my arms but only because she wanted me to pick her up and take her back upstairs.
This went on for at least 30 minutes. As much as I would like to claim some credit in things getting better, it didn't happen until Jake and Kaitlyn came downstairs. It really didn't get better until Katie broke out a puzzle for Cassidy and her to play with. The tears stopped. The screaming stopped. The laughter started. She loved helping with the puzzle even though her only part was pushing pieces into place once we properly aligned them. She loved it.
Ever since then, she's been a different girl. She hasn't been as clingy to Shari. She has been warmer to me. She even rushed to me to give me a hug in the church hallways this morning. She then grabbed my finger to go on a walk with Mommy and her... even though I was at my security post at the time. (I obliged her.) Once home, she was back to wanting to be on my shoulders again, which she hadn't wanted for weeks. She was back to randomly wanting to sit on my lap... even though I didn't have food or drink to offer.
The difference is remarkable. The experience is crazy. I'll take my next round of beatings should they come.
I love my Cassidy Elizabeth through it all.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Color Us Amazed!
After just five half-doses and a day-and-a-half, we have been amazed by the physical changes we've seen. Exhibit A is a picture from her birthday on January 18th. Her appearance in that picture is fairly consistent with how she looked normally. We'll call it "Before."
And prepare your eyes for Exhibit B. We'll call it "After." For the first time, we could see the whites of her eye to both the east and west of her retina. We're just amazed at the progress. Hopefully the doctor will be amazed tomorrow as well.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Medical Update
Most people with eyes who have fully exercised their Facebook curiosity muscle have noticed that my wife and I have a daughter who looks a little different from the others. Not only does this little girl have my darker complexion, narrower eyes, and keener fashion sense, but she has a little something extra going on around her eyes. It is undoubtedly because of these "masses" that she was abandoned by her birth parents and placed by the Chinese government on the special-needs list. The Chinese doctors diagnosed her as having hemangiomas, and she was given the treatment they could offer, which was minimal.
When we were presented with the opportunity to adopt her, her condition was described as one that typically goes away on its own over time. With that being said, we knew we were not dealing with something as simple as a "special-needs" label applied to someone with an unsightly birth mark. Whatever the case, it didn't really matter because we saw our daughter when we looked at the pictures. We appreciate that biological parents are never guaranteed healthy children, and we would treat her as our own. Getting her well is our priority.
It began with a pediatric visit who was quick to refer us to the FACES Clinic at Cardinal Glennon, which specializes in international adoptions. Their team of doctors expressed - without officially diagnosing - that it probably wasn't hemangioma and that her right eye probably has some degree of trauma as a result of the mass impinging on that eyeball. They referred us to an imaging doctor at a different hospital who is apparently the only doctor who could produce the images necessary to make the right diagnosis and determine the best method(s) of treatment. The consultation there resulted in an MRI with no subsequent specialized imaging. During that appointment, options of outpatient alcohol injection treatments and surgical removal were discussed with another medical consult on the horizon.
That brings us to yesterday. There we sat in a 8' X 10' room with a full-sized examination table, an extra chair, and sink area. In walked four doctors and two residents. While I had held out hope that the surgery would not be the preferred option, one of the first things out of his mouth was that they think surgery is necessary for th removal. The good news is that they think what she has is hemangioma. I had figured a surgery was going to be necessary cosmetically, so I was able to get over the surgery revelation surprisingly quickly. But to say that surgery is the solution is nothing more than the tip of this iceberg.
Before we get to the surgery stage, they have prescribed a beta blocker drug in the hopes that the masses will shrink in size. Ideally, the masses could shrink almost completely, making the surgery much more manageable. No matter how it is sliced, to see this through to completion, some degree of surgical removal will be necessary, no matter how small the masses get. In three weeks, the dermatologist will assess the progress of the prescription. In three days, another specialist will try to assess the realities we face in terms of her vision and ocular function.
You see (because I didn't), right now has nothing to do with aesthetics and cosmetics. We are not at the stage of worrying about and addressing what she looks like and how people will look at her. The doctors are single-mindedly focused on her vision and the functionality of her eye. It is a real possibility that if this condition persists as is that she could be blind in the eye. It is a real possibility that the mass has compromised the muscles in the eye lid, the muscles surrounding the eye itself, and/or the bone around the orbit. Reconstructive surgery in the future will not just be about cosmetics but potentially about reconstructing functionality to her eye. Worst-case scenarios involve resetting her eye should it shift out of position once the mass is gone and dealing with an eyelid that does not properly close or open. The prospect is multiple surgeries taking place five and 10 years down the road.
That is what we are looking at. Whether it ends up being a minor surgery to remove masses that are 99.9% gone and a relatively minor cosmetic surgery to further beautify our little cutie or ten surgeries to restore bone, muscle, vision, and cosmetics compromised by resistant masses, we are going to go the distance with it, time be damned, cost be damned.
On the one hand, we are absolutely 100% honored to do this and endure the process. On the other hand, we love our baby, and we are only doing what any other loving parent does for their own.Thanks for your prayers and well wishes.
When we were presented with the opportunity to adopt her, her condition was described as one that typically goes away on its own over time. With that being said, we knew we were not dealing with something as simple as a "special-needs" label applied to someone with an unsightly birth mark. Whatever the case, it didn't really matter because we saw our daughter when we looked at the pictures. We appreciate that biological parents are never guaranteed healthy children, and we would treat her as our own. Getting her well is our priority.
It began with a pediatric visit who was quick to refer us to the FACES Clinic at Cardinal Glennon, which specializes in international adoptions. Their team of doctors expressed - without officially diagnosing - that it probably wasn't hemangioma and that her right eye probably has some degree of trauma as a result of the mass impinging on that eyeball. They referred us to an imaging doctor at a different hospital who is apparently the only doctor who could produce the images necessary to make the right diagnosis and determine the best method(s) of treatment. The consultation there resulted in an MRI with no subsequent specialized imaging. During that appointment, options of outpatient alcohol injection treatments and surgical removal were discussed with another medical consult on the horizon.
That brings us to yesterday. There we sat in a 8' X 10' room with a full-sized examination table, an extra chair, and sink area. In walked four doctors and two residents. While I had held out hope that the surgery would not be the preferred option, one of the first things out of his mouth was that they think surgery is necessary for th removal. The good news is that they think what she has is hemangioma. I had figured a surgery was going to be necessary cosmetically, so I was able to get over the surgery revelation surprisingly quickly. But to say that surgery is the solution is nothing more than the tip of this iceberg.
Before we get to the surgery stage, they have prescribed a beta blocker drug in the hopes that the masses will shrink in size. Ideally, the masses could shrink almost completely, making the surgery much more manageable. No matter how it is sliced, to see this through to completion, some degree of surgical removal will be necessary, no matter how small the masses get. In three weeks, the dermatologist will assess the progress of the prescription. In three days, another specialist will try to assess the realities we face in terms of her vision and ocular function.
You see (because I didn't), right now has nothing to do with aesthetics and cosmetics. We are not at the stage of worrying about and addressing what she looks like and how people will look at her. The doctors are single-mindedly focused on her vision and the functionality of her eye. It is a real possibility that if this condition persists as is that she could be blind in the eye. It is a real possibility that the mass has compromised the muscles in the eye lid, the muscles surrounding the eye itself, and/or the bone around the orbit. Reconstructive surgery in the future will not just be about cosmetics but potentially about reconstructing functionality to her eye. Worst-case scenarios involve resetting her eye should it shift out of position once the mass is gone and dealing with an eyelid that does not properly close or open. The prospect is multiple surgeries taking place five and 10 years down the road.
That is what we are looking at. Whether it ends up being a minor surgery to remove masses that are 99.9% gone and a relatively minor cosmetic surgery to further beautify our little cutie or ten surgeries to restore bone, muscle, vision, and cosmetics compromised by resistant masses, we are going to go the distance with it, time be damned, cost be damned.
On the one hand, we are absolutely 100% honored to do this and endure the process. On the other hand, we love our baby, and we are only doing what any other loving parent does for their own.Thanks for your prayers and well wishes.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Canary in the Coal Mine
Cassidy provided an unexpected benefit recently. I had been feeling back a couple weeks ago, and then Shari, Zach, and Katie got sick. Their symptoms seemed pretty varied, so it was tough to diagnose anything across the board. On Monday, Shari told me she was going to take Cassidy to the doctor because she breaking out in a horrible rash. Her chest and back looked sunburnt, and it was on her face, behind her ears, and around her hair line. The second the pediatrician saw her, he diagnosed her without running a single test or taking a single sample: "Strep."
He then took a look in Zach's and Katie's mouths, and he proclaimed: "Strep."
He was then nice enough to prescribe antibiotics for all four kids.
Cassidy is still pretty snotty, but she's handling it okay. Her appetite is fine, and I don't think she's been any more persnicketty than normal. The good news is that she is now just under 22 pounds in weight, which means she has gained four pounds since we've had her. (On her tiny frame, that's a LOT...)
He then took a look in Zach's and Katie's mouths, and he proclaimed: "Strep."
He was then nice enough to prescribe antibiotics for all four kids.
Cassidy is still pretty snotty, but she's handling it okay. Her appetite is fine, and I don't think she's been any more persnicketty than normal. The good news is that she is now just under 22 pounds in weight, which means she has gained four pounds since we've had her. (On her tiny frame, that's a LOT...)
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Someone Turned Two on the 18th!
Cassidy really enjoyed her first birthday at home! She made out like a bandit and really enjoyed having visitors. After she opened her presents, she quickly became possessive of everything she got. She kept everyone on a short leash but was nice enough to let me put her new baby stroller together. She is definitely all girl.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Dancing Machine, Dancing Machine
The last 30 seconds of the video make the whole thing more than worthwhile. Observe the rhythmic stylings of the next Beyonce - albeit a modest, fully-dressed version.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
New Experience
Yesterday was a big guys' day out for the Yeager boys because we had to go make our pinewood derby cars for upcoming races. While I was looking forward to it on the one hand (as evidenced by the fact that I still have the derby car from my scout days), I was also concerned how taking that time away from the house would impact my relationship with Cassidy. I didn't know if she withdraw and distance herself or excitedly greet me (didn't really care how the boys fared with her). I was also concerned about compounding things by going straight from hours away from home to plugging directly into the Cardinals' NFL playoff game.
I can happily report that Cassidy was happy to see all of us, and she even seemed very intent to spend time with me. As I sat on the floor watching the game, she hovered around me, rarely leaving the room. While that was all well and good, I was concerned that if she remained in my proximity, I might inadvertently scare her. You can try to contain the emotions, but you never know when a slip up might occur. I had been very mindful of that over the last 10 weeks... but last night's game was exceptional!!
It's one thing for your team win a game, but it's another thing for your team to embarrass the opponent. Arizona just destroyed Carolina, and in the process of annihilating those poor Panthers, I slipped... with Cassidy sitting two feet in front of me... as she was looking directly at me. I yelled, "YEAH!" and threw both of my arms in the air as if to signal "touchdown." I then came back to my senses and remembered that my sensitive little Cassidy was sitting so very close. Before my eyes could pan down from the screen to see her, I heard her yell gibberish and experienced the joy of watching my little girl raise her arms as I had! She had the biggest smile on her face, too.
Of course, it was also great because my boys love to hear me get into a football game. To date, the hardest Zachary has ever laughed was when Arizona played Dallas earlier this season. After I was done going crazy and the laughter died down, Zachary said, "Do it again..." So now it's kind of fun for me to listen to the hardy guffaws outlast my emotional outbursts. So I had the additional joy of listening to Jake laugh two rooms away.
What a great day! Derby cars with the boys and then football watching with Cass.
I can happily report that Cassidy was happy to see all of us, and she even seemed very intent to spend time with me. As I sat on the floor watching the game, she hovered around me, rarely leaving the room. While that was all well and good, I was concerned that if she remained in my proximity, I might inadvertently scare her. You can try to contain the emotions, but you never know when a slip up might occur. I had been very mindful of that over the last 10 weeks... but last night's game was exceptional!!
It's one thing for your team win a game, but it's another thing for your team to embarrass the opponent. Arizona just destroyed Carolina, and in the process of annihilating those poor Panthers, I slipped... with Cassidy sitting two feet in front of me... as she was looking directly at me. I yelled, "YEAH!" and threw both of my arms in the air as if to signal "touchdown." I then came back to my senses and remembered that my sensitive little Cassidy was sitting so very close. Before my eyes could pan down from the screen to see her, I heard her yell gibberish and experienced the joy of watching my little girl raise her arms as I had! She had the biggest smile on her face, too.
Of course, it was also great because my boys love to hear me get into a football game. To date, the hardest Zachary has ever laughed was when Arizona played Dallas earlier this season. After I was done going crazy and the laughter died down, Zachary said, "Do it again..." So now it's kind of fun for me to listen to the hardy guffaws outlast my emotional outbursts. So I had the additional joy of listening to Jake laugh two rooms away.
What a great day! Derby cars with the boys and then football watching with Cass.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
I Have Arrived!
You now see what I've been waiting for! I couldn't hope for more - besides her being free of the "vascular anomalies." I'm pretty close to being exactly where I've wanted to be with her. Truth be told, I don't care if I ever reach that mountain top. This is good enough for me. As of last night, I was able to send her to dream land by laying her on my chest. She knows me by name. She freely gives me hugs and her version of fist bumps. She actively seeks to wrap me around her finger. What more could a daughter's dad ask for?!So what if she doesn't want to lay on me or near me at 2:00 in the morning...?! I don't want anyone laying near me at that time of night anyway!
Friday, January 2, 2009
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
A little time has gone by since my last post, and I do apologize for that. It really is my intention to update this regularly, but the road to somewhere nasty is paved with good intentions, right? To catch you up to speed in a nutshell, there has been good and bad and ups and downs. If you're able to step away from the immediacy of minute-to-minute, you will see a huge leap forward! In the last week, Cassidy really has warmed to me. She fist bumps now (which she learned strictly by observing the other children doing it), and she even gave me a single kiss on the cheek last weekend (none since)! Last night, she even gave me the Mommy treatment. What is the Mommy treatment? Whining at me any time I put her down. Of course, the reasons are pretty different. She likes being held by Mommy for the peace and love of it. She wants me to pick her up because she's a daredevil/thrill seeker. She finally figured out that I am the human roller coaster. She likes being hoisted into the air and riding on my shoulders as I gallop through the house (in the house only, though). She even likes being flipped in my arms (which Shari doesn't like watching). She likes riding on my foot as I walk around, and she likes being spun around, albeit slowly. The rough part for me is that once I do anything like that for her, every other kid in the house wants to do the same thing. Let me tell you that there is a huge difference in weight between a 23-month-old, undersized girl and an almost-nine-year-old, oversized boy! I think I'm probably an inch shorter than I used to be just by virtue of my spine being compacted by the resident food vacuum sitting on my shoulders...
Okay, I confess. It's not all about the acrobatics. She also wants me to pick her up because I'll hook her up with the peppercorn potato chips. (She likes things with a little kick...)
Below is a rather long three-minute video of Cass' first Christmas. I recorded and posted the whole thing mostly to showcase just how long it took her to work through one present. As a bonus, you will also get to hear lots of happy screams from the other kids as well as me correcting Jake... who, as I found out moments after the filming stopped, was actually in the right. Enjoy.
Okay, I confess. It's not all about the acrobatics. She also wants me to pick her up because I'll hook her up with the peppercorn potato chips. (She likes things with a little kick...)
Below is a rather long three-minute video of Cass' first Christmas. I recorded and posted the whole thing mostly to showcase just how long it took her to work through one present. As a bonus, you will also get to hear lots of happy screams from the other kids as well as me correcting Jake... who, as I found out moments after the filming stopped, was actually in the right. Enjoy.
So Christmas was exactly what the doctor ordered for us. While I'm certainly not equal to Mommy in Cassidy's little eyes, she has certainly warmed up to me. She has napped on my chest. I can now put her down for night-nights without having to trap her on her side in my arms. She reacts enthusiastically when I get home from work. She can say "dadda" now, and she is actually talking about me when she says it. I know some people didn't understand or appreciate our decision to stay home for Christmas, I'll never regret it, and I'd do it again in a heartbeat. Next year, we can give her the customary traveling Christmas experience...
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Mystery Solved
For weeks I have been wondering, "What is the deal?!" I've wondered, "When is Cassidy going to commit to liking me...?" We've played well together one moment only to have her stare at me with the look of terror the next. I've had her rolling with tickles only to have her stop without warning and slap at me like she was ready to fight. I've had her practically leap out of my arms to get back to Shari. I've had her greet me with a smile when I get home from work only to have her treat me like I have cooties by the time I get my coat off. Well I identified the problem on Saturday.
The problem is my wife. On Saturday, she had to run errands for most of the day, so I was left to care for the entire brood... by myself. As usual, Cassidy cried as she was handed over to me. As usual, she cried as Mommy went out the door. As usual, she was done crying by the time Shari had pulled out of the driveway. I didn't hear another cry for the rest of my alone time with her. She wasn't clingy, and she wasn't whiney. Actually, she was generally content. Occasionally, she would wrap her arms around my legs to let me know she wanted to be picked up... just like she does to Shari. When it was nap time, she went down without a single whimper. (It was the first time I didn't have to rock her by trapping her on her side while holding her!) As a matter of fact, I was even able to get her to go back to sleep when she was rudely awakened by Zachary (sometimes the boy has only one range of volume... loud and louder). When she woke up, she was even happy to see me! It went so well that even when Shari got home, she was not quick to dive out of my arms. When we sat on the couch four feet apart, Cassidy did not scamper over to where Shari was. It was amazing.
Of course, that was Saturday, and then there has been every day since then. I'm surprised I was able to share the last paragraph with you because it seems so long ago to me. Unlike the heavenly nap night-night experience of Saturday, last night's experience resulted in unsuccessful experimentation and tough love. "What did you do...?" you're wondering. Well, as she was crying, I decided to see what blowing in her mouth would do... since she's not an itty-bitty who would lose her breath as a result. That didn't go so well. While it did manage to shorten her cries, she seemed to get more hacked off... a little more quietly.
After a minute of that experiment, I decided to try putting her on the floor and then picking her up once she calmed down. She didn't stop crying until I picked her back up. When she started to cry again, I set her back down. When I picked her back up again, she was done with the crying, and she went right to sleep. (Of course, she ended up in our bed yet again after midnight.)
It's tough to gauge where adoption/orphanage trauma ends and terrible-twoedness begins. Since I knew she would immediately shut off the tears as soon as she came in contact with Shari, I was willing to gamble and assess that I was dealing with nothing more than a temper tantrum. She has those. Don't we all.
That's all for now.
The problem is my wife. On Saturday, she had to run errands for most of the day, so I was left to care for the entire brood... by myself. As usual, Cassidy cried as she was handed over to me. As usual, she cried as Mommy went out the door. As usual, she was done crying by the time Shari had pulled out of the driveway. I didn't hear another cry for the rest of my alone time with her. She wasn't clingy, and she wasn't whiney. Actually, she was generally content. Occasionally, she would wrap her arms around my legs to let me know she wanted to be picked up... just like she does to Shari. When it was nap time, she went down without a single whimper. (It was the first time I didn't have to rock her by trapping her on her side while holding her!) As a matter of fact, I was even able to get her to go back to sleep when she was rudely awakened by Zachary (sometimes the boy has only one range of volume... loud and louder). When she woke up, she was even happy to see me! It went so well that even when Shari got home, she was not quick to dive out of my arms. When we sat on the couch four feet apart, Cassidy did not scamper over to where Shari was. It was amazing.
Of course, that was Saturday, and then there has been every day since then. I'm surprised I was able to share the last paragraph with you because it seems so long ago to me. Unlike the heavenly nap night-night experience of Saturday, last night's experience resulted in unsuccessful experimentation and tough love. "What did you do...?" you're wondering. Well, as she was crying, I decided to see what blowing in her mouth would do... since she's not an itty-bitty who would lose her breath as a result. That didn't go so well. While it did manage to shorten her cries, she seemed to get more hacked off... a little more quietly.
After a minute of that experiment, I decided to try putting her on the floor and then picking her up once she calmed down. She didn't stop crying until I picked her back up. When she started to cry again, I set her back down. When I picked her back up again, she was done with the crying, and she went right to sleep. (Of course, she ended up in our bed yet again after midnight.)
It's tough to gauge where adoption/orphanage trauma ends and terrible-twoedness begins. Since I knew she would immediately shut off the tears as soon as she came in contact with Shari, I was willing to gamble and assess that I was dealing with nothing more than a temper tantrum. She has those. Don't we all.
That's all for now.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Tough Patch
Over the last few days, we've found ourselves in a little bit of a downward trend. Cassidy is back to being a little more fearful and clingy as she was several weeks ago. She is also more extreme with her emotions. There is a lack of carryover peace from one activity to the next. By that I mean she can be fine if you're doing something that she likes, and you're screwed if you aren't. Last night, she loved me if I was walking her up and down the stairs (over and over and over again), feeding her, or putting lotion on her (did you know Asians are prone to dry skin?). If I wasn't doing those things, she really didn't want to have anything to do with me. I guess the good news is that she seemed a little more content in general after I did all of the stair walking than she was prior to that. I got to enjoy her most intense sleep-time crying ever. She finally quieted down when she decided to go #2 just before completely dozing off (not a good combo). Miraculously, she slept through the diaper change. I think I used up all of my mojo on that, though, because she ended up waking up around 3:30 and joining us in bed... again.
I am looking forward to the day that she no longer cries as she leaves Mommy's gravitational pull. I'm looking forward to her no longer crying herself to sleep in my arms. In the meantime, I try to marvel and wonder about her idiosyncracies. For example, when she cries in my arms, she tends to cover up her wide-open mouth with her arm. It's like she's screaming, but she doesn't want to be heard. It makes me wonder if this came from the orphanage experience and what that experience was exactly. A funnier behavior is when she wants me to read her a book (or three words off of one page), she kneels down to look and listen. After a sentence or two (or a word or two), she'll get up take the book from me, walk a couple steps, turn around, hand me the book, and repeat the process multiple times.
The excellent news of yesterday was that we finally received Cassidy's official citizenship document. She's bonafied American now.
I am looking forward to the day that she no longer cries as she leaves Mommy's gravitational pull. I'm looking forward to her no longer crying herself to sleep in my arms. In the meantime, I try to marvel and wonder about her idiosyncracies. For example, when she cries in my arms, she tends to cover up her wide-open mouth with her arm. It's like she's screaming, but she doesn't want to be heard. It makes me wonder if this came from the orphanage experience and what that experience was exactly. A funnier behavior is when she wants me to read her a book (or three words off of one page), she kneels down to look and listen. After a sentence or two (or a word or two), she'll get up take the book from me, walk a couple steps, turn around, hand me the book, and repeat the process multiple times.
The excellent news of yesterday was that we finally received Cassidy's official citizenship document. She's bonafied American now.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Happy Thanksgiving!
I don't know what you are thankful for, but we are thankful to have our family together after three years of waiting! We are thankful that Cassidy is getting to experience her first Thanksgiving! We are thankful for progress!
Since I last wrote, lots of things have taken place! I have put Cassidy to bed six times. The first time she seemed to cry forever. She cried so much that I made a point to time how long she cried the second time... 24 minutes. Then she only cried for 10 minutes the next time. There was actually an attempt after that which I'm not counting because I didn't think she was ready for bed when the process was initiated, so I handed her off to her mother in order for her to enjoy the fruits of her insistence that she was ready. The next time I tried, which was last Saturday, she didn't cry at all. That sounds like we made it over the last hurdle but she was back to crying on Sunday night. She only cried for about three minutes that night. The great thing about those events was that she slept through the night in her own crib three of those times. (Those would be the only three times she made it through the night in her own crib.)
Shari was so desperate for a completely undisturbed night of sleep a few nights ago that she really wanted to test that connection. Well, I'd only put her to bed on a weeknight once before, and that seemed to pose a problem. There is something about me not being around during the day that works against her receptiveness to me. She cried and cried... but I am wise beyond my years... or just lucky. Against Shari's judgment, I had allowed her to continue to hold a little toy bottle while I rocked her. After so much crying, I decided to test a little tough love. I took the bottle from her... which really hacked her off. (I relearned that she has a higher gear above the routine, ordinary sob.) I looked her in the eyes and said, "Shhh." When she quieted momentarily, I handed her the toy. When she started to cry again, I took the bottle away again and said, "Ahhh..." I repeated, "Shhh." When she quieted again, I handed her the toy. She didn't cry again, and then she was asleep within two minutes. She's a very smart girl. (She gets that from Shari.)
So have we gotten over the final hurdle? Well, even if we had, I imagine that she'd reserve the right to climb back over the hurdle again, so we could enjoy some of the unpleasant stuff. From that standpoint, I guess the final hurdle will be the end of the regressing. Other than that, the hurdle will fall whenever she no longer acts as though she is settling for me. It's either that or perhaps when my holding her calms her as consistently as Shari's holding her. She's so fond of Mama that she stops sobbing if she so much as thinks she's being handed over to Shari. The act of handing her over takes her from red-faced wailing to silence and sighs of relief in no time at all. It's interesting to observe... and still moderately deflating.
But enough about me, you're here to read about Cassidy. She has endured a lot of medical junk lately. Just two days ago (or was it yesterday?), she survived three therapist visits. The most interesting things we learned is that she verbally grades out at a nine-month-old level (she's 22 months old now), and her motor skills are at a year-old level. Neither of which is insurmountable for such a smart girl. Last week, she got to experience two trips to Cardinal Glennon Children's Hospital to be evaluated by doctors who are a lot smarter than we are. We've been told that it's highly likely that the Chinese diagnosed her incorrectly but that it's probably still a vascular issue. In English, the good news in that no one is thinking cancer since it has been stable in size since birth. The bad news is that it probably won't go away without treatment. The doctors are in the process of setting up an imaging session at Barnes in order to determine just exactly what we're dealing with and exactly what the treatment needs to consist of.
What else? I guess the most interesting tidbit occurred on the 19th when I was left to take care of the kids. First of all, it's interesting whenever Shari leaves the house, because Cassidy seems to automatically default to me as the go-to person. If she's upset and crying, I'm suddenly in the position to calm her down immediately. The downside is that I get put back in my place the second Mama returns home. Anyway, on this particular night, most of us were sitting on the couch, and Cass was sitting on my left knee, facing away from me towards the television. Katie was sitting immediately to my right, practicing writing her name on a Magnadoodle. For the most part, Cass and I were watching "America's Funniest Home Videos." She was wide awake, totally focused on the show, and completely content as she sat on my knee and leaned forward into my left hand placed around her belly.
Katie asked me to look at what she'd written. I looked to my right, told her she needed to switch a couple letters, and looked back in the direction of Cassidy. In the span of roughly five-to-ten seconds, she had gone from wide-eyed awake to being asleep in my hand. She then slept on my chest for the next half hour. It was sweet! Then she woke up screaming. Not so sweet...
Don't be alarmed, though. We do not have a narcoleptic on our hands. The doctor assured us that it is highly likely that she is just now decompressing and coming down off the high-alert mode she's been on for a month now. She's simply that relaxed.
Enjoy your Thanksgiving. Appreciate your family! Even the ones you normally don't appreciate...
Since I last wrote, lots of things have taken place! I have put Cassidy to bed six times. The first time she seemed to cry forever. She cried so much that I made a point to time how long she cried the second time... 24 minutes. Then she only cried for 10 minutes the next time. There was actually an attempt after that which I'm not counting because I didn't think she was ready for bed when the process was initiated, so I handed her off to her mother in order for her to enjoy the fruits of her insistence that she was ready. The next time I tried, which was last Saturday, she didn't cry at all. That sounds like we made it over the last hurdle but she was back to crying on Sunday night. She only cried for about three minutes that night. The great thing about those events was that she slept through the night in her own crib three of those times. (Those would be the only three times she made it through the night in her own crib.)
Shari was so desperate for a completely undisturbed night of sleep a few nights ago that she really wanted to test that connection. Well, I'd only put her to bed on a weeknight once before, and that seemed to pose a problem. There is something about me not being around during the day that works against her receptiveness to me. She cried and cried... but I am wise beyond my years... or just lucky. Against Shari's judgment, I had allowed her to continue to hold a little toy bottle while I rocked her. After so much crying, I decided to test a little tough love. I took the bottle from her... which really hacked her off. (I relearned that she has a higher gear above the routine, ordinary sob.) I looked her in the eyes and said, "Shhh." When she quieted momentarily, I handed her the toy. When she started to cry again, I took the bottle away again and said, "Ahhh..." I repeated, "Shhh." When she quieted again, I handed her the toy. She didn't cry again, and then she was asleep within two minutes. She's a very smart girl. (She gets that from Shari.)
So have we gotten over the final hurdle? Well, even if we had, I imagine that she'd reserve the right to climb back over the hurdle again, so we could enjoy some of the unpleasant stuff. From that standpoint, I guess the final hurdle will be the end of the regressing. Other than that, the hurdle will fall whenever she no longer acts as though she is settling for me. It's either that or perhaps when my holding her calms her as consistently as Shari's holding her. She's so fond of Mama that she stops sobbing if she so much as thinks she's being handed over to Shari. The act of handing her over takes her from red-faced wailing to silence and sighs of relief in no time at all. It's interesting to observe... and still moderately deflating.
But enough about me, you're here to read about Cassidy. She has endured a lot of medical junk lately. Just two days ago (or was it yesterday?), she survived three therapist visits. The most interesting things we learned is that she verbally grades out at a nine-month-old level (she's 22 months old now), and her motor skills are at a year-old level. Neither of which is insurmountable for such a smart girl. Last week, she got to experience two trips to Cardinal Glennon Children's Hospital to be evaluated by doctors who are a lot smarter than we are. We've been told that it's highly likely that the Chinese diagnosed her incorrectly but that it's probably still a vascular issue. In English, the good news in that no one is thinking cancer since it has been stable in size since birth. The bad news is that it probably won't go away without treatment. The doctors are in the process of setting up an imaging session at Barnes in order to determine just exactly what we're dealing with and exactly what the treatment needs to consist of.
What else? I guess the most interesting tidbit occurred on the 19th when I was left to take care of the kids. First of all, it's interesting whenever Shari leaves the house, because Cassidy seems to automatically default to me as the go-to person. If she's upset and crying, I'm suddenly in the position to calm her down immediately. The downside is that I get put back in my place the second Mama returns home. Anyway, on this particular night, most of us were sitting on the couch, and Cass was sitting on my left knee, facing away from me towards the television. Katie was sitting immediately to my right, practicing writing her name on a Magnadoodle. For the most part, Cass and I were watching "America's Funniest Home Videos." She was wide awake, totally focused on the show, and completely content as she sat on my knee and leaned forward into my left hand placed around her belly.
Katie asked me to look at what she'd written. I looked to my right, told her she needed to switch a couple letters, and looked back in the direction of Cassidy. In the span of roughly five-to-ten seconds, she had gone from wide-eyed awake to being asleep in my hand. She then slept on my chest for the next half hour. It was sweet! Then she woke up screaming. Not so sweet...
Don't be alarmed, though. We do not have a narcoleptic on our hands. The doctor assured us that it is highly likely that she is just now decompressing and coming down off the high-alert mode she's been on for a month now. She's simply that relaxed.
Enjoy your Thanksgiving. Appreciate your family! Even the ones you normally don't appreciate...
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Blogging in the Real World
Well you've probably realized by now that it's been awhile since the last blog. (I apologize for spoiling you with daily updates early on.) It is just so hard to find the time to blog with real life happening. Who knew a job and parenting three additional kids could be so time consuming?! It would help if we had internet access at home, but that's still no guarantee that I would find the time. When you are the unfavored one in the international adoption equation thousands of miles from home, you have nothing but time no matter how demanding the child's needs are. I'll have you know that I'm going out of my way to update you with the latest and greatest.
First and foremost, Monday night represented the first night she willingly let me change her poopy diaper. She was so stunned that she was allowing herself to be changed by me (or that I was even attempting it) that she actually laid completely still. I have since changed her diaper a few more times, and she no longer chooses to be so compliant. She thinks it's absolutely hysterical to make a wiggle-worm game out of the ordeal. It doesn't help that Katie and Shari also find it funny when I'm doing the job.
We have been home for two weeks now, and lots of good things have happened. By the second full day of being home, she allowed me to pick her up without requiring the art of distraction. By November 8th, she actually came to me to pick her up. By November 9th, she actually left Shari's arms to come to me. (Of course, she decided she wanted to go right back after 15 seconds). On Monday, she was luke warm to me for some reason. On Tuesday, she was back to liking me during regular business hours. Wednesday was pretty good as well.
We have learned that I represent a roller coaster to her. She loves to be lifted high in the air and swung to and fro (all with OSHA-compliant safety harnesses in place of course). She loves to chase after her siblings while being held by a running daddy or bigger brother. She loves to be spun on the Sit-and-Spin - but only for two or three revolutions at a time. She loves to play in the basement, which is where Daddy always takes her when she is in an unsnappable crying fit. When she has realized she is going downstairs, she has quieted down immediately each time. (Now that I have put this in writing, it will no longer work.)
What else have we found out? Well, she seems to like American food. We had been content to continue giving her a standard formula bottle, but our pediatrician switched us over to Pediasure in a sippy cup immediately. He also encouraged us to delve into real food as much as possible. So far, we've learned that she loves chicken (both in regular and nugget form), beef, vegetables... pizza...
We've also learned that she's pretty protective of her turf. She's relatively fierce. Her angry face rivals my own. When she's mad about something, there is no wondering about it. She is quick to hit, kick, and bite. If someone else tries to move in on Mommy, she is quick to try to wedge herself between them. She can go from laughter to anger and back again in 0.5 seconds (I've clocked her.). She doesn't like time outs. She likes to make messes with green beans. My favorite discovery - which we made relatively early on - is her laugh. Her laugh is every bit as wonderful as the other kids'. I probably tickle her too much just because I enjoy the laugh. (Then the kids try to tickle her right after me and hack her off...)
Shari and I are convinced that she likes her brothers and sister. She is definitely fond of Jake. He is just the right age and size. He is big enough to confidently and securely hoist her around all over the house but small enough that he's not as physically intimidating as his very manly father. She runs hot and cold with the other two, though - mostly because they are overexuberant with their attention towards her. They say they are playing with her, but the casual observer easily surmises that "playing" equals "picking at." If they aren't "tickling" her, they are pushing her from behind as she walks in an effort to make her run. If they aren't pushing her from behind, they are moving in front of her to block her path. If they aren't trying to "play" with her, they are snatching one of their personal toys out of her hand - which goes over ever so well.
Of course, we're not in the clear on everything yet. Sleep time is still a challenge. Shari rocks her to sleep and puts her in her crib around 9:00 each night. She usually lasts two-to-three hours in her crib before she wakes up crying. One of us then gets her and brings her to our bed where she normally has to fall asleep laying on Shari. She is then repositioned on the bed between us. If she wakes up in the night, she makes sure she as close to Shari as possible (and as far from me). We are not at a place in our relationship where I can console her. That privilege is given exclusively to Mommy. When we get to place where my holding her calms her, I will know I have arrived.
Other than that, we have noticed that the girl does not cry. She can fall face-first on a hard toy, and she only whimpers and then quiets down completely. She may rub the affected area, but she doesn't make a peep otherwise. She kind of blankly stares off for awhile. It's strange... kind of like the shrieking at night in the absence of Mommy.
That's it for now.
First and foremost, Monday night represented the first night she willingly let me change her poopy diaper. She was so stunned that she was allowing herself to be changed by me (or that I was even attempting it) that she actually laid completely still. I have since changed her diaper a few more times, and she no longer chooses to be so compliant. She thinks it's absolutely hysterical to make a wiggle-worm game out of the ordeal. It doesn't help that Katie and Shari also find it funny when I'm doing the job.
We have been home for two weeks now, and lots of good things have happened. By the second full day of being home, she allowed me to pick her up without requiring the art of distraction. By November 8th, she actually came to me to pick her up. By November 9th, she actually left Shari's arms to come to me. (Of course, she decided she wanted to go right back after 15 seconds). On Monday, she was luke warm to me for some reason. On Tuesday, she was back to liking me during regular business hours. Wednesday was pretty good as well.
We have learned that I represent a roller coaster to her. She loves to be lifted high in the air and swung to and fro (all with OSHA-compliant safety harnesses in place of course). She loves to chase after her siblings while being held by a running daddy or bigger brother. She loves to be spun on the Sit-and-Spin - but only for two or three revolutions at a time. She loves to play in the basement, which is where Daddy always takes her when she is in an unsnappable crying fit. When she has realized she is going downstairs, she has quieted down immediately each time. (Now that I have put this in writing, it will no longer work.)
What else have we found out? Well, she seems to like American food. We had been content to continue giving her a standard formula bottle, but our pediatrician switched us over to Pediasure in a sippy cup immediately. He also encouraged us to delve into real food as much as possible. So far, we've learned that she loves chicken (both in regular and nugget form), beef, vegetables... pizza...
We've also learned that she's pretty protective of her turf. She's relatively fierce. Her angry face rivals my own. When she's mad about something, there is no wondering about it. She is quick to hit, kick, and bite. If someone else tries to move in on Mommy, she is quick to try to wedge herself between them. She can go from laughter to anger and back again in 0.5 seconds (I've clocked her.). She doesn't like time outs. She likes to make messes with green beans. My favorite discovery - which we made relatively early on - is her laugh. Her laugh is every bit as wonderful as the other kids'. I probably tickle her too much just because I enjoy the laugh. (Then the kids try to tickle her right after me and hack her off...)
Shari and I are convinced that she likes her brothers and sister. She is definitely fond of Jake. He is just the right age and size. He is big enough to confidently and securely hoist her around all over the house but small enough that he's not as physically intimidating as his very manly father. She runs hot and cold with the other two, though - mostly because they are overexuberant with their attention towards her. They say they are playing with her, but the casual observer easily surmises that "playing" equals "picking at." If they aren't "tickling" her, they are pushing her from behind as she walks in an effort to make her run. If they aren't pushing her from behind, they are moving in front of her to block her path. If they aren't trying to "play" with her, they are snatching one of their personal toys out of her hand - which goes over ever so well.
Of course, we're not in the clear on everything yet. Sleep time is still a challenge. Shari rocks her to sleep and puts her in her crib around 9:00 each night. She usually lasts two-to-three hours in her crib before she wakes up crying. One of us then gets her and brings her to our bed where she normally has to fall asleep laying on Shari. She is then repositioned on the bed between us. If she wakes up in the night, she makes sure she as close to Shari as possible (and as far from me). We are not at a place in our relationship where I can console her. That privilege is given exclusively to Mommy. When we get to place where my holding her calms her, I will know I have arrived.
Other than that, we have noticed that the girl does not cry. She can fall face-first on a hard toy, and she only whimpers and then quiets down completely. She may rub the affected area, but she doesn't make a peep otherwise. She kind of blankly stares off for awhile. It's strange... kind of like the shrieking at night in the absence of Mommy.
That's it for now.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Deja Vu
Well we are back to where it all began – Hong Kong. We are staying at the Airport hotel, and it’s… well, it’s good we’re only staying here one night. It’s the most expensive hotel of the four we’ve patronized, and it’s easily the worst. My opinion pretty much begins and ends with the cost of the place. Not only is it the most expensive, but the internet access even costs… AND the buffet is NOT included! The ultimate insult is they charge $57 USD an hour for a massage… which means I didn’t get a massage this entire trip. Who comes to China and doesn’t get a massage? I knew I should have done it up in Changsha where the price was $10.37 USD for an hour. Next time, perhaps.
So we took a two-hour train ride from Guangzhou down to Hong Kong. The excitement came when the Customs official at the Hong Kong entry questioned whether Shari’s passport really belonged to her. He held up the passport and asked, “You?” I guess there was also excitement when I was singled out to have my temperature taken… because I was wearing a leather coat in the warmth of the day.
It was my first time on a bonafied train. It was kind of like a low-flying (like ground level) plane… only bumpier, slower, with bigger windows, and with nastier lavatories. Shari said I wouldn’t get any reading done, but she was wrong. From the train station, we took a taxi to the airport. I video taped almost the entire ride. I hope to make people car sick from watching the footage.
Shinko helped us get our rooms (after lugging around a good chunk of our luggage) and helped us locate the nearest fast-food establishments in the airport. Then we bid her a fond farewell. We consider ourselves privileged to be her first official adoption process, and we tried to convey to her how much we appreciated her. Most of my appreciation came from the fact that she did an excellent job of tolerating my unrivaled sense of humor and dazzling quick wit. She dished it back me quite a few times, which I always enjoy… especially from a self-labeled “quiet” person.
So tomorrow we eat some breakfast, take a five-minute stroll to the airport departure terminal, and enjoy the rest of the process. Shari and I are really looking forward to the 13-hour flight… because we are finding that Cassidy doesn’t really have an inside voice. Yes, Cassidy is very talkative in her simple gibberish… which is not even quasi-Mandarin at its core. I’m not exactly sure when the institutes start teaching Mandarin, but the process is apparently nowhere close to being complete by 21 months of age in the Yongzhou area. I have no doubt that she can understand quite a bit, but we’ve tried to get a translation for her cries, and they amount to noise.
Cassidy hasn’t been as adventurous today as she was, but she’s definitely being more vocal. When Shari has to leave her side, Cassidy is preferring to freak out in my arms rather than freak out alone on the floor or in her crib. I ask her if she wants me to pick her up, and she lunges at me… and then continues to scream. She is absolutely panicked in those situations. It’s become a running gag with me. What else? She tried to club me with a water bottle three times after I kept her from swallowing a staple she had found on the floor of the hotel room (another thumbs up for the hotel here). She’s a real spitfire…
Cassidy and Mama have had to go a few rounds today. We’re finding that Cassidy is what one might call a “strong-willed child,” and she seems to really enjoy pushing things to the limit. Right now, she is refusing to go to sleep, and Mama is refusing to enable her play time. I will enjoy the process of teaching her who the boss and who the boss isn’t. I will enjoy the process of her becoming a Daddy’s girl even more… but establishing the hierarchy in the house is very close behind that on my enjoyment scale.
Oh well. This should be it from the foreign soil. Perhaps I’ll continue this blog just because there are definitely a few more chapters in this adoption story. We’ll see.
So we took a two-hour train ride from Guangzhou down to Hong Kong. The excitement came when the Customs official at the Hong Kong entry questioned whether Shari’s passport really belonged to her. He held up the passport and asked, “You?” I guess there was also excitement when I was singled out to have my temperature taken… because I was wearing a leather coat in the warmth of the day.
It was my first time on a bonafied train. It was kind of like a low-flying (like ground level) plane… only bumpier, slower, with bigger windows, and with nastier lavatories. Shari said I wouldn’t get any reading done, but she was wrong. From the train station, we took a taxi to the airport. I video taped almost the entire ride. I hope to make people car sick from watching the footage.
Shinko helped us get our rooms (after lugging around a good chunk of our luggage) and helped us locate the nearest fast-food establishments in the airport. Then we bid her a fond farewell. We consider ourselves privileged to be her first official adoption process, and we tried to convey to her how much we appreciated her. Most of my appreciation came from the fact that she did an excellent job of tolerating my unrivaled sense of humor and dazzling quick wit. She dished it back me quite a few times, which I always enjoy… especially from a self-labeled “quiet” person.
So tomorrow we eat some breakfast, take a five-minute stroll to the airport departure terminal, and enjoy the rest of the process. Shari and I are really looking forward to the 13-hour flight… because we are finding that Cassidy doesn’t really have an inside voice. Yes, Cassidy is very talkative in her simple gibberish… which is not even quasi-Mandarin at its core. I’m not exactly sure when the institutes start teaching Mandarin, but the process is apparently nowhere close to being complete by 21 months of age in the Yongzhou area. I have no doubt that she can understand quite a bit, but we’ve tried to get a translation for her cries, and they amount to noise.
Cassidy hasn’t been as adventurous today as she was, but she’s definitely being more vocal. When Shari has to leave her side, Cassidy is preferring to freak out in my arms rather than freak out alone on the floor or in her crib. I ask her if she wants me to pick her up, and she lunges at me… and then continues to scream. She is absolutely panicked in those situations. It’s become a running gag with me. What else? She tried to club me with a water bottle three times after I kept her from swallowing a staple she had found on the floor of the hotel room (another thumbs up for the hotel here). She’s a real spitfire…
Cassidy and Mama have had to go a few rounds today. We’re finding that Cassidy is what one might call a “strong-willed child,” and she seems to really enjoy pushing things to the limit. Right now, she is refusing to go to sleep, and Mama is refusing to enable her play time. I will enjoy the process of teaching her who the boss and who the boss isn’t. I will enjoy the process of her becoming a Daddy’s girl even more… but establishing the hierarchy in the house is very close behind that on my enjoyment scale.
Oh well. This should be it from the foreign soil. Perhaps I’ll continue this blog just because there are definitely a few more chapters in this adoption story. We’ll see.
Oh, I almost forgot to mention that I gave Shari a ticket to the gun show...
Goofball out!
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
The Whistle-and-Bell-Free Update
Today we had a very busy day... once we finally got out of bed. Once again, Cassidy was up crying in the night at 2:00 a.m. The saving grace is that she eventually fell back to sleep and stayed that way until around 7:00. We then went down for the breakfast buffet, and we were off to do some last-minute shopping. We had promised one guy that we would come by his shop. We found out that he is a Believer. He was very friendly and very chatty. We then continued on but were stopped by a young man who wanted to practice his English. I was more than happy to oblige the guy because this is what I'd been expecting and hoping for since Day One. He told us his name is James (after Lebron James) and that he is a huge fan of all things American... except Britney Spears. In particular, he is a big fan of Brad Pitt and Will Smith movies, and he loves rap. He wants to play basketball in the United States, but he only plays occasionally at the present time.
After that we went on to another shop that had actually done our laundry recently. (Most of the shops that sell souvenirs do laundry also.) We had a nice chat with Dong (not kidding) as he schooled us on teas. He then proceeded to try to sell us on just about everything else in the store... everything from suitcases to tee-shirts to original paintings to diapers. Fortunately for me, I ran out of money.
We then rushed back to the hotel, so we could feed Cassidy before we had to head to the U.S. Consulate for our last official function. The visa ceremony proved to be the most underwhelming deal - quite possibly in my entire life. After a nice greeting, the representative had us stand up, raise our right hands, and swear that all of the information we had provided was true to the bes of our knowledge. We then were handed the very critical brown envelope meant for Customs and Immigration and sent on our merry way. It took us quite a while to find a taxi that was willing to take us to the hotel because most taxi drivers were returning their vehicles at that time of day.
Once we got back to the hotel, we loaded up what we needed and prepared to head back out one last time to do the very last of the last-minute shopping. The plan was to take a taxi instead of walk to Shiamin Island, get the last items, then proceed to a restaurant Shinko had recommended, and then take a taxi back to the hotel. Well, the taxi ride took about 10 minutes longer than if we had walked. After shopping with no problem, we headed for dinner but forgot the name of the restaurant Shinko recommended. Instead of confirming with her, we went to the one that sounded right, and that can be counted as the wrong thing to do. The food was merely okay, and to say that is being extremely generous (which I'm known for... it's my hallmark). We then tried to get a taxi, and we were rejected by two separate drivers. So we hoofed it... with Shari's uncomfortable shoes and blistery feet.
So we officially have no more responsibilities besides making sure we get to where we need to be at the scheduled time. We hop on a train to Hong Kong tomorrow, and we then chill for a day as we wait to walk to the airport terminal on Thursday morning.
Cassidy is chattier today than she'd been. When I returned from running some errands, I was shocked to find her walking around on her own. I mean, she was actually completely separated from Shari... by like 10 feet. Not only that, but she actually approached me to hand me things she was randomly picking up. Of course, once she realized what she was doing, she freaked out again when I knelt down and tried to hand her something back.
Her voice is very hoarse right now from all of the crying, and I hope that holds up just long enough to get us through the flights two days from now.
Blog at you later.
After that we went on to another shop that had actually done our laundry recently. (Most of the shops that sell souvenirs do laundry also.) We had a nice chat with Dong (not kidding) as he schooled us on teas. He then proceeded to try to sell us on just about everything else in the store... everything from suitcases to tee-shirts to original paintings to diapers. Fortunately for me, I ran out of money.
We then rushed back to the hotel, so we could feed Cassidy before we had to head to the U.S. Consulate for our last official function. The visa ceremony proved to be the most underwhelming deal - quite possibly in my entire life. After a nice greeting, the representative had us stand up, raise our right hands, and swear that all of the information we had provided was true to the bes of our knowledge. We then were handed the very critical brown envelope meant for Customs and Immigration and sent on our merry way. It took us quite a while to find a taxi that was willing to take us to the hotel because most taxi drivers were returning their vehicles at that time of day.
Once we got back to the hotel, we loaded up what we needed and prepared to head back out one last time to do the very last of the last-minute shopping. The plan was to take a taxi instead of walk to Shiamin Island, get the last items, then proceed to a restaurant Shinko had recommended, and then take a taxi back to the hotel. Well, the taxi ride took about 10 minutes longer than if we had walked. After shopping with no problem, we headed for dinner but forgot the name of the restaurant Shinko recommended. Instead of confirming with her, we went to the one that sounded right, and that can be counted as the wrong thing to do. The food was merely okay, and to say that is being extremely generous (which I'm known for... it's my hallmark). We then tried to get a taxi, and we were rejected by two separate drivers. So we hoofed it... with Shari's uncomfortable shoes and blistery feet.
So we officially have no more responsibilities besides making sure we get to where we need to be at the scheduled time. We hop on a train to Hong Kong tomorrow, and we then chill for a day as we wait to walk to the airport terminal on Thursday morning.
Cassidy is chattier today than she'd been. When I returned from running some errands, I was shocked to find her walking around on her own. I mean, she was actually completely separated from Shari... by like 10 feet. Not only that, but she actually approached me to hand me things she was randomly picking up. Of course, once she realized what she was doing, she freaked out again when I knelt down and tried to hand her something back.
Her voice is very hoarse right now from all of the crying, and I hope that holds up just long enough to get us through the flights two days from now.
Blog at you later.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Another Day, Another Yuan...
Well we've officially got the first week in the books. Shari spent more quality wee-hour time with Cassidy, so we all ended up not getting out of bed terribly early. We were supposed to go out around 11:30 to do something (don't remember what...), but Cassidy fell asleep in the stroller before we could make it out the door. She has cried so much and so hard over the last week that she is actually hoarse right now. Fortunately, with a change of formula and other supplementary solid foods, Cassidy made it through the day without writhing on the floor in pain. And thank you for asking, but no, Cassidy is still not my biggest fan. (I am.)
Shinko and Echo suggested we try the Bruce Lee fast-food restaurant downstairs for the girl's next dinner. We decided to order some pork spare rib dishes for ourselves as well. One out of three ended up being thrilled, and can you guess who that was?
You see, from a distance, the meal looks pretty good. When you close in on the "soup," the perspective changes a little bit. The spare ribs - regardless of the size of the piece - seemed to have a bone in every bite. The soup was oily as can be. I drizzled some on my rice for flavor, and even that didn't sit too well with my stomach 12 hours later. Although Cassidy had what I'd describe as a Chinese meatloaf dish, she absolutely loved her dining experience! In fact, she loved it so much we gave her the exact same thing tonight. Shari and I elected to not follow suit.
When we did manage to get out today, we toured a market area. Shari enjoyed the experience of haggling China-style while I loathed the experience of watching everyone in my proximity turn to look and look and look some more at Cassidy. After the third haggle attempt, I strongly supported the idea to head back to the stare-free confines of our hotel room. Maybe it is just that my hayseed-ness comes out whenever I am surrounded by SO MANY people, but I really think my issue begins and ends with the staring and my helplessness in that situation.
Undeterred by last night's dining setback, Shari and I committed to trying dumplings for dinner. I had said that I couldn't leave China without having some dumplings, because they made up a significant portion of my diet while I was in Shanghai three years ago. Echo explained to us that they come either steamed or in a soup and that the souped version tends to be lighter on dough and heavier on meat, so we elected to try that with some "vegetables." I personally didn't mind the dumplings overall. If they would have been consistently good like the first couple, I would have loved them. The trouble is they varied significantly from first to last, and sometimes that variance meant swallowing without chewing. The soup was good as was the spicey sauce. The vegetables were a "Chinese lettuce" that came complete with small flower buds consistent with weeds back home. I commend Shari for even trying them.
I tip my hat to the Chinese. They are a hardcore people. They can eat just about anything. They can make use of just about anything. They are survivors in urban or rural environments. There is a strength to them that I don't see in a lot of Americans today. They don't look to the government to bail them out or give them the world... mostly because they know Big Red won't. What they don't have, they get by without. They don't go around crying about offense or get crippled by hurt feelings. Now if they could just figure out how to value life and not stare at my daughter...
I guess the tone of my last paragraph has tipped my hand. After nil deliberation, Shari and I have decided to move to Guangzhou! I've decided to pursue a career in Chinese commercial voiceovers. I know that once I master reading Mandarin, I will be absolutely awesome at it. I've heard the same commercials at least 1,541 times, and I know I would rock this joint! We're arranging for the kids to be shipped to us via DHL, and we are having a huge garage sale to liquidate our material assets in the states. We have really taken to sweating our butts off in late October, and we enjoy the surprise that every bite of authentic local cuisine represents. Sorry to spring this on you in a blog...
Oh, I so enjoyed that. I actually had a lot more that I chose to delete just because I've promised my wife and myself to be a good boy.
Kudos to Debbie for the comment. Shari and I got a good laugh out of the "J for J" reference.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
BIG NEWS...
In case you didn't know, Mizzou beat the mess out of Colorado! Coming from a time when Mizzou suffered the infamous 5th down and years of losing to the Buffaloes, I'm always thrilled to announce total beatdowns! In case you were wondering, that basically guarantees that the Rams will lose to the Patriots... because the Rams and Tigers have a pact whereby one team wins, so the other team loses. It's really only a theory at this point. I'm still fine tuning it.
And a special thanks goes out to Roberto for his kind comment and wonderful insight on this fatherly adoption experience.
Anywho... regarding the previous post from my beloved, all I can say is that she is completely and utterly delusional. Seeing three adult men urinating out in the open along a main highway on the way into town as countless vehicles whizzed past (pun intended)... coupled with the unfortunate interruptions to our sleep courtesy of tummy-troubled Cassidy... put her over the edge. Everyone knows that I am not a nice guy, therefore I physically cannot do nice things. I'm not even sure we have dishes to wash, and I cannot even spell "bottle" let alone make one up for feedings. Do me a favor: the next time she tries to get on the subject of how wonderful I've been, just nod convincingly, and be as supportive as you can be for the poor, whacked-out lass.
It is presently about 6:25 p.m. here, and we're on the verge of doing something about dinner. Last night, I ran out and got some Papa John's. Like so many other things, it isn't quite like Midwest Papa makes it, but I thought it was okay. I was even okay to eat three pieces that had been sitting out overnight. Shari swore the pizza smelled of the aquarium market we walked through four times and tasted funny on top of that, but I didn't notice anything. I'm getting to a point now where trying the western fast-food options is just as exciting as trying authentic Chinese dishes because it's interesting to see how far off their rendition is from what we have back home. In every case, it's been close enough to be at least edible (which is comparable to McD's back home) or even comparable in quality, but there definitely seems to be a premium to pay around here... at least for the pizzas.
Today we went to see a statue and a five-story pagoda. The pagoda is cool because it dates back to 1380, and it's the only remaining section of the ancient city wall. The statue is five rams that became rocks and spared the residents of Guangzhou famine forever. I'm curious how anyone can believe this but find the Truth ridiculous! While I was inside the pagoda, which is also a museum, I took some more illegal pics. (I didn't know they were illegal until after I took them.)
(The last shot was the view of Guangzhou from the fifth floor of the pagoda.)
As far as Cassidy goes, it's been a mixed bag today. Earlier in the day, she actually reached for me when Mama went behind those dreaded bathroom doors. Of course, she never stopped crying during that time, but she did reach for me. She woke up more than once in the night, once because she was hungry and again because her tummy was bugging her. She was inconsolable for who knows how long, but it passed... with a bowel movement, I think. After her nap, she again was absolutely inconsolable for over 40 minutes. For 25 minutes, she did not want to even be touched by Mama. She pretty much just writhed wherever she was laying. I think we've accurately diagnosed the issue as gastrointestinal. We have decided to change the formula and see if that solves the problem. She is doing okay now... aside from being back to not reaching for me when Mama leaves the room. Oh well, we take what we can get.
And a special thanks goes out to Roberto for his kind comment and wonderful insight on this fatherly adoption experience.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Hello from Shari
Well, I decided to try and blog today. I can't promise to be as witty as my husband, but for those with weaker stomachs, I can promise no pictures of 2,000 year old mummys. I must share one disagreement with my husband. I love the hotel in Guangzhou! I love the space. That being said, the arrangement of the room or lack of bottle making space has not been an issue for me because I have not had to make one bottle or wash one bottle or measure out medicine or wash one dispenser. My husband is wonderful. Can I brag on him for a moment? He has taken such good care of us. It has been a blessing to watch him take any opportunity to show Cassidy love. Everytime she'll let him feed her the cheerios, or hold the bottle up for her, or giggle at his tickles, he's right there. And then, when she cries when he walks toward her, or sobs when he holds her while I'm in the shower, he smiles at her and says, "it's o.k., babe", and waits for the next good moment. One of my favorite things is when we go for walks. Cassidy loves to walk. Now she knows walking includes Daddy, so she'll pull me to him, grab his finger and pull on him. She loves to walk the long hallway because she can pick up some good speed there. Yesterday, we went for a walk and Brad had to run back in the room for something. Instead of heading on down the hallway, she pulled me back to the door and waited there for him, grabbed his finger and we were off. It's just a matter of time before she sits on Daddy's lap and he's trying to type one handed. Can I also brag on my daughter for a moment? She truly is beautiful. Her smile is awesome, her giggle even better. She's so smart. Very curious. Very determined. Anxious to learn. Great at cuddling. Can't wait to see all the awesome plans to prosper her and not to harm; the ones to give her a hope and future. It's so fun to see her learn something new, like, Patty-Cake. It's also fun to see her have a moment of feeling safe while she plays five inches or, even once, five feet from me. It's hard to hear her cry in the night as if she's terrified. Then it's awesome to hear her sigh and breathe deep as she falls back to sleep on my shoulder. Yes, the trips out are hard sometimes. When someone does smile and tries to talk to you or acknowledges her with a smile, you feel like you just made a friend and should exchange e-mail addresses. My biggest goal with the stares tends to be trying to make eye contact and saying hello. This tends to force a smile and seems to lighten the mood a bit. My other tactic is to look through everyone and pay attention to the scenery or focus on that beautiful girl. If all else fails, we head back to the hotel and enjoy her there. I'm very excited by the fact that Cassidy will be able to let her "little light shine" and humbled that He would let me be her mom and watch her grow.
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